Jodie Foster Offers Words of Wisdom to Kristen Stewart

Actress Jodie Foster wrote an open letter to the Daily Beast on Wednesday, expressing sympathy for her “Panic Room” co-star Kristen Stewart. A child star herself, Foster slams the media and fickle fans for attacking Kristen, following headlines that she cheated on Robert Pattinson with director Rupert Sanders.

“Lift up beautiful young people like gods and then pull them down to earth to gaze at their seams,” she wrote. “See, they’re just like us. But we seldom consider the childhoods we unknowingly destroy in the process.”

Reflecting on her time spent with Kristen on the set, she remembers how they “talked and laughed for hours, sharing spontaneous mysteries and venting our boredom. I grew to love that kid.”

When she found out that Stewart, then 11, wanted to pursue acting, Jodie asked her mom, “Can’t you talk her out of it?” These days, thanks to “Twilight” and the cheating scandal, KStew can’t escape the pressures of Hollywood.

What does Jodie want Kristen to know? “Eventually, this all passes. The public horrors of today eventually blow away. And yes, you are changed by the awful wake of reckoning they leave behind. You trust less. You calculate your steps. You survive.”

She added, “Hopefully in the process you don’t lose your ability to throw your arms in the air again and spin in wild abandon. That is the ultimate F.U. and – finally – the most beautiful survival tool of all. Don’t let them take that away from you.”

Financial troubles, infidelity may have led to fatal shooting

RALEIGH -- Wake County sheriff’s investigators are searching the computer records of a South Raleigh business owner to determine if financial difficulties led to the fatal shooting of his wife this month.

Sheriff’s detectives are also trying to determine if marital infidelity was a catalyst in the July 3 shooting, according to a search warrant filed Tuesday at the Wake County Clerk of Courts Office.

Sheriff’s deputies charged Fernando Palma Carias, 47, with the first-degree murder of his wife, Marisol Mendoza Rojas. In the search warrant, obtained three days after the shooting, Sheriff’s investigator E.A. Welch recounted what officers saw when they arrived at the scene: Rojas was lying on the living room floor of the residence, fatally shot.


The couple’s children were home, and told the deputies that their parents were having a heated argument when Carias got a handgun out of a closet, stood over his wife and shot her several times. Sheriff’s investigators also learned during the investigation that “marital infidelity and financial concerns” may have played a role in the shooting, according to the search warrant.

Carias and Rojas were owners of Mexico Lindo, a white-brick convenience store that sits in a tiny retail strip at 2601 S. Saunders St., Welch said.

Investigators searched the business and seized a desktop computer, a Wachovia checkbook belonging to Rojas and a second checkbook found behind the counter of the business, court records show.

Carias remained in custody at the Wake County jail on Tuesday without bail, a jail spokesman reported.

Immigration officials have placed a retainer on Carias because they think he may be in this country illegally, the spokesman said.

BY THOMASI MCDONALD - TMCDONALD@NEWSOBSERVER.COM

Women In Their 40s Are Having Great Sex...

Women In Their 40s Are Having Great Sex... Just Not With Their Husbands

Over the past few years, I've witnessed a growing number of married couples in my fortysomething peer group calling it quits. Not surprisingly, infidelity is a factor in many of these breakups. What is surprising is that it's the women -- not the men-- who are cheating.
Although recent high-profile scandals have involved cheating men (think John Edwards, Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger), a study out of Indiana University finds that women today cheat at about the same rate as men, and that the number of unfaithful women is growing. The study showed that 19 percent of married women and 23 percent of married men reported cheating, statistics that reflect a closing of the cheating gender gap. (Note: These numbers are probably on the conservative side because they reflect the percentage of people who admitted to cheating. Presumably, the numbers of unfaithful partners is higher.) Research from the 1990s found that only 10 percent of married women reported being unfaithful. According to these numbers, female infidelity may one day rival or even surpass male cheating.
Another interesting fact? According to the study, the most common age for women to have an affair is 45. For men, it's 55.
The reasons for cheating are many. Take Diane, a 46-year-old mother of two who has worked full time while raising kids:
"My husband and I were so busy with work and the kids that our life together had slid into the background. It became all about 'who's doing the laundry' and 'who's picking the kids up from daycare.' I needed confirmation that I was still sexy and that other men found me attractive."
This rise in female infidelity is a change from what I saw growing up in the '80s. In those days, it was the man who cheated. In many cases, this pattern held true: Husband cheats on wife with secretary; husband leaves wife and kids near-broke; husband starts new family with younger wife.
My girlfriends and I observed the devastating effects of divorce -- which left families in financial and emotional ruin -- and vowed that we would never let it happen to us. We worked hard in school, went to college and grad school, and pursued careers so that we would never have to be financially dependent on a man.
So why do I look around me and see so many women repeating the mistakes of their fathers? Why are they willing to risk everything -- their marriages, homes, even their children -- for a romp (or two) in the sack with another man?
Is it a midlife crisis? A feminist assertion of independence and power? Or perhaps a "Fifty Shades of Grey" phenomenon where women are craving steamy "chocolate hot-fudge brownie" sex over the "vanilla" flavor they've had for years with their husbands?
According to Carolyn*, a 44-year-old mother of three, "Sleeping with another man awakened things in me that I hadn't felt in years. When I was with him, I felt like I was doing something just for me. I was sick of living for others. It wasn't hard to keep the affair secret from my husband because I travel a lot for work."
While there are several factors that contribute to marital infidelity, there are a few unique reasons women in their 40s cheat. Here are the top 10:

1. Greater confidence. Women in their 40s have fewer insecurities and are more confident about their bodies, their careers and themselves. They know who they are and feel comfortable in their skin. Many have jobs outside the house and an identity apart from that of mother/wife. Working outside the house also provides women more opportunities to meet men -- and to pursue affairs -- than their stay-at-home counterparts.
2. "Mommy" stage is over. By their 40s, women no longer have leaky, milk-filled breasts for feeding babies. Hey, maybe they've even gotten their pre-baby figure back! They are feeling sexy for the first time in a while. Having brought up toddlers, they have more freedom to go out again and relax -- with their husbands, partners or someone else entirely. 
3. Shifting hormones. In their 40s, women's testosterone levels are on the rise, which increases their libido, or sex drive. The so-called "nurturing" hormones -- estrogen and oxytocin -- are on the wane, making them less physically wired to attend to the needs of others and more likely to put themselves and their own needs first. 
4. Bedroom boredom. Let's face it, after 20 years with the same partner, sex can become "plain vanilla." And as Christian Grey has taught us, nobody likes "plain vanilla." Sex with someone new is exciting and forbidden and provides a dopamine rush similar to a drug-induced high.  
5. Feeling neglected/unappreciated. Women wear many hats in a marriage -- housekeeper, errand-runner, grocery shopper, babysitter, cook, doctor, lover, etc. Is it any wonder that a woman is tuckered out by her 40s? If she feels more like a housekeeper or maid than a beloved and cherished wife, that's when she may stray. The fact that a husband may be spending inordinate amounts of time at work, traveling or on the golf course gives her more reason to seek attention elsewhere.
6. Self-esteem booster. Sex can be an instant pick-me-up, a self-esteem booster that makes women feel sexier, more beautiful and more loved. If a woman feels unappreciated or neglected by her husband, a sexual affair could be just the medicine that she needs. 
7. Revenge/payback for past wrongs. Whether her husband cheated, lost a job, made a bad investment or got caught in a lie, a woman feels hurt and betrayed when trust has been broken. She may want to do the same to get even.
8. Financial woes. Many families today are experiencing financial troubles, which puts a huge strain on a marriage. Women in their 40s feel that they have put in many years of hard labor -- giving birth, raising kids and often working outside the house at the same time. When their husbands are without jobs or decent paychecks, women feel that their husbands are not fulfilling their end of the bargain and become angry and resentful.
9. Letting the bad girl out. Have you noticed how many women get a breast augmentation, liposuction or other plastic surgery after their childbearing years to enhance their looks and sexuality? If not, take another look. Just as men feel the need to sow their wild oats, some women have an inner sex kitten that -- especially with rising testosterone levels -- is just waiting to come out!
10. Exit strategy. Instead of breaking up, it's easier to cheat. An affair is an easy way out, or at least that's how some women see it.

Bottom line? Female infidelity is on the rise. When you add up all the reasons that women cheat, it's usually her heart -- or ego -- that needs healing. Not her libido. A few tips? Keep the lines of communication open with your spouse. Look for the warning signs. And get help from a good marriage therapist before it's too late.
Would you like to add to the conversation? Please submit your comment below.
* Names have been changed to preserve privacy.
Samantha Parent Walravens is the author of TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, chosen by the New York Times as the first pick for the Motherlode Book Club. 

Mixed Infidelity News from All Over the World

In any human relationship, and particularly in a marriage, it is essential that both parties agree about what they consider as marital infidelity and cheating. This way, both spouses can understand what acceptable behavior is and what is not. Do you remember Bill Clinton story – he did not cheat on his wife, he just did not consider that stupid blowjob as sexual act and believes it like a game, not a cheating.

Better understand it you can with the mixed media news, related to the relationships in marriage. These stories became public information after different actions, but all of them are related.

This is from Alex McCord, author, mom, tv personality:

How low would you go to catch yourhusband cheating? I'm flying without a net here, because it never occurred to me to try. My jaw was on the floor when we saw this week's story on Coffee Shop Confessions.

The mom this week was so sure that her husband still carried a torch for his ex-girlfriend that she faked a Facebook profile and sent him dirty messages. When I tweeted my shock, someone wrote back that Facebook is now implicated in 40% of divorce cases. 40%? I couldn't believe it and turned to my good friend Google to check it out. The numbers vary, but there are plenty of articles out there claiming social media as a factor in a third of all cases, 40%, 50%, etc.

Apparently our desire to share the ridiculous minutiae of our lives is so intense it supersedes propriety. Of course I wouldn't know anything about that, having willingly starred on a reality show for years! Wherever the information comes from, social media creates a fertile field of opportunity for divorce and custody lawyers.

What kills me about this week's episode is this -- the wife chose a real human being. She didn't lift a picture of a swimsuit model and make up an alter ego. She started a profile for a genuine person from her husband's past. How is she going to get away with this? What's the woman going to do when she finds out? What will the husband do if he finds out first? What would you do?

In this paragraph we will tell you why some people believe that Australian law is bad:

An Indian-born man who slit his wife's throat with a box cutter has been jailed for at least six years, leading her sister to say Australian law is "very bad".

The couple married in India in September 2008, before Ms Kaur moved to Sydney on a student visa in January 2009 and her husband joined her on a dependent spouse visa in May that year.

Singh told the jury he lost control of his body and mind after his wife said she had never loved him and loved another man, and after her brother made offensive comments about his mother on the phone.

They argued over money, Singh suspected his wife was cheating on him and there were episodes of domestic violence. Singh told the jury his wife threatened to kick him out of the house and the country.

The judge set a maximum sentence of eight years. Wife sister later told reporters, "Very bad law in Australia, very bad". She said her brother-in-law had lied when he told the jury her sister was having an affair. Her sister's mobile phone was checked for calls involving her alleged lover but police found nothing.

"They believed it, (but) they did not have any proof, they didn't show anything in the court, they don't know who the guy is," she said.

CheatingWivesDating.net Offers Resources for Men Seeking Married Women Who Want to Have Affairs. At the same time some of them could found their own wives there.

Infidelity has been around since ancient times, but with online personals and dating websites, cheating on a spouse has never been easier than it is today. Being unfaithful is not an easy decision, but if a wife feels that her needs are not being met, the Internet can provide her with a variety of options.

Lately, a website called CheatingWivesDating.net has been generating a lot of attention thanks to its service that helps every visitor to connect with a woman looking for an affair.

“To be brutally honest — married ladies become bored too quickly. Those nice women want only one simple factor — a man for a romance relationship with no strings attached. Your love affair should be kept a mystery by both of you, and you both should be sure there are no strings attached. The factor you should be sure about is that your dates are extremely discreet and that it’s absolutely nothing serious,” the website explains.

This discreet dating is becoming more and more common, and there are now many ways to find dates even if you are married. The website declares, “The primary advantage of the Internet is that it’s a very discreet way for discovering a man. You all recognize that there are plenty of websites where you would be able to discover a date. As the Internet advances, the number of websites of this sort rises. In case you’re a married woman seeking a date, the fastest way to discover one is on the Web.”

As a result, CheatingWivesDating.net offers many different resources that allow men to find cheating spouse for romantic rendezvous. Men will find information categorized by state and city, ensuring that they can find local women who are interested in having affairs. The list of cities featured on the website is vast, with smaller cities being included as well. This means that, no matter where they live, unfaithful spouses will be able to find a partner to cheat with.

In addition to specific local details about cheating wives, men will also find general information on why women cheat and how to date a cheating wife.

Your Spouse and Your Best Friend

Of all the women in the world, why would your husband choose to cheat on you with your best friend? In the same breath, why would your best friend choose to betray you by hooking up with your husband? Is there such a big shortage of possible sexual partners that they'd rather pursue this option than look somewhere else.

Many people caught in this situation claim that theirs was not an intentional act. Their constant exposure to each other by virtue of their relationship to the betrayed one plays a big factor in the development of the affair. Their togetherness is seldom questioned unless there are obvious reasons to arouse doubts and suspicions.

It is true that affairs of this nature are not typically planned as most develop in time due to familiarity. It is safe to presume that the cheating parties may have tried to resist the temptation initially because of their relationship as a husband and as a friend respectively to the unknowing wife. An affair however is a clear testament to their failure to keep themselves in check.

You should not be wondering why the discovery of your husband's and best friend's affair is so much more hurtful that what you imagined infidelity would be. The affair involves two people who your trust with your innermost being . They are probably the last people you thought would hurt you this way. Your spouse and your best friend are supposed to defend you and support you and not connive with each other to deceive you. There is nothing bad about unconditional trust but the strangest things do happen including an affair which you never thought possible. Be aware of what is happening around you especially between the people closest to you.

Cheating for Money

If given the chance and there is a pressing "need", would you consider cheating on your spouse for a sum of money? Many are quick to dismiss this as a definite non-option although most of them will probably be considered fairly comfortable financially. There is no question that well-off people do cheat but they usually do for other reasons aside from money. If they do consider, chances are the price is pegged quite high so as to merit their attention who are not actually in dire need of money.

Money has always been a temptation especially to those belonging to the lower economic class. This doesn't mean that they are less morally upright than their counterparts in the higher economic class. They are just more vulnerable because of the reality of material lack and the pressure of having to provide for other people.

Why would you think moneyed people dangle their bait to attractive members of the opposite sex who are not particularly well-off? They do so because they think they have more chances with people who are in need of the material wealth they are offering. They know very well that there are more chances of getting rebuffed by targets who can obviously provide for their own material needs and desires.

If we look at sites that typically asks readers' views about anything, it is common to see answers to the same question we have now to the effect that they will consider "cheating" on their spouses if their partners agree. If we are to be blunt about it, this can hardly be called cheating since it is done with the express approval of the other. The answer just goes to show that some people can provide for "allowances" in marriage if there is an expected benefit from it. The issue of trust however may be a significant cause of friction after.

When a cheater acts on his/her own decision, it is possible that he/she is looking out for personal benefits or sacrificing for the spouse and family. We are presupposing that infidelity in this case stems purely from financial need or want and nothing else. They say everyone has a price, do you have yours?

The Barren Wife

Barren is a truly lonely word. It denotes the incapability of a woman to bear an offspring in such a manner that suggests failure and defeat. However, it is the very word that captures the difficult emotional aspect of infertility.

The inability to provide children to a husband can be a very heavy burden for a wife. Even when there are no words spoken , the wife may feel a certain degree of inadequacy especially if the marriage started with plans that clearly included having children. To discover later on during marriage that she will not be able to fulfill her part of the plan by reason of some medical condition or physical impossibility can sometimes lead her to feel that she owes her husband a remedy such as allowing him to beget children from another woman.

There are men who have handled the fact of having an infertile wife with impressive dignity and utmost respect for their respective spouses. There are many however who feel the pressure to prove their capability of procreating and make use of another woman to make the point. This is probably one of the most cowardly reasons of cheating because it only serves the male ego and nothing else.

The desire to have children even when the wife is unable to produce their biological child can be addressed by adopting. Adopting a child is a big responsibility and is not intended merely to satisfy a person's need to have a child. Couples considering this option should therefore be very careful.

Never the less, there is a life waiting for a couple unable to have children. Cheating and having children from another woman is not exactly a better option. Given the truth of the situation, couples should be able to decide for themselves the fate of their marriage instead of opting for palliatives that only serve as temporary measures. Having a barren wife is not an excuse to cheat especially since the condition is neither the fault nor the desire of the woman.

In-Law Interference

In an infidelity battle between spouses, in-law interference is usually not welcome. This is especially so when in-laws tend to tolerate and defend the cheating ways of their kin. Instead of helping to find the solution, their involvement becomes an aggravating factor in the already difficult situation.

Standards of values and morality among family members have a way of being parallel to each other. Thus, if parents show to their children that infidelity is a natural thing that happens in married life, children will grow up believing such. Those that have been brought up in a family environment that gives value to faithfulness will expect their spouses to be true to them. Two people from opposing backgrounds who eventually marry may encounter frequent clashes in views. These differing views may end up affecting not only the marriage but the children as well.

Families that tolerate spousal cheating may help cover-up the infidelity of their kin as if to conspire against the faithful spouse. They may do this not because they do not approve of the infidelity but because of the inconvenience of a full-blown fight between the spouses. Other families may react more strongly by blaming the faithful spouse for creating such a commotion over something which they believe is nothing.

There is also nothing to prevent the relatives of the faithful spouse to react accordingly. Before anyone realizes it, the affair becomes a fight between two families instead of between the spouses. In this danger lies the wisdom of seeking professional assistance in resolving marriage troubles. In-law interference laced with biases will be way too personal to be of much use to anyone. Affected couples should be able to resolve the conflict between themselves without dragging family members in the process so as to avoid long-lasting bitterness between families.

The Cheater's Choice

It is always very interesting to see who the cheater will choose between the spouse and the lover when forced to do so. It is probably every cheater's dream to get away with his extramarital affairs so as to escape the necessity to choose. Most cheaters are perfectly content with maintaining the status quo, meaning having the security of marriage and the excitement of an affair at the same time.

Who could blame them for wanting to have such freedom and convenience at their hands? Imagine being able to hide behind the secrecy of an undiscovered affair - no hard decisions to make with an unknowing spouse and a cooperative lover. But what happens when the truth comes out as both spouse and lover demand that the cheater now make a choice between them?

A spouse who unconditionally allows a cheater to carry on an affair with another is a rare breed. The most typical scenario after discovery of infidelity is the issuance of an ultimatum by the aggrieved spouse to the cheating partner to terminate the affair immediately. On the other hand, the discovery can also encourage a lover to stake her claim by forcing the cheater to leave the legal spouse to be permanently with her.

A casual cheater who does not actually take his cheating ways very seriously may find himself in a tight bind having no intention from the very beginning of deserting his wife and family for another woman. He may be "forced" to choose the lover when he is given no other choice by the wife when she does the leaving. Cheaters who are under the illusion of being in love with the lover have the tendency to forget their marital vows and responsibilities. A mistake cannot be corrected by another mistake. If a cheater realize in the end that his love for the wife remains, he should have the humility to accept his mistake and work towards possible reconciliation with his wife instead of choosing the lover for lack of better options.

Nothing Personal

A cheating spouse who claims that his/her cheating ways is nothing personal in relation to the partner may actually be on to something. People who experience manic behavior with regards to sexual aggression may be unable to control their impulse which is usually manifested through habitual cheating. This is also referred to as bipolar infidelity.

Bipolar infidelity stems from a medical condition that is associated with hypersexuality resulting to impaired judgment when faced with the opportunity to cheat. The opportunity can either be purposely sought by the cheater or presented by chance. Either way, the cheater will find it impossible to resist cheating.

Anyone married to a person afflicted with this condition will find the situation difficult even if there is truth to the claim that the cheating being done is not intentional. The offense however, does not become less personal because of the very sensitive issues attached to it. It is quite understandable when faithful spouses in such a situation eventually give up because of the extraordinary demands made on them to support their cheating spouses in spite of the extreme pain brought about by infidelity.

A faithful spouse who decides to stick it out with a cheating partner dealing with manic behavior can only see a semblance of light at the end of the tunnel when the cheater cooperates towards correcting the behavior. Cooperation will include the serious efforts of the cheater to get well and stay well such as active participation in the treatment regime . Anything short of these efforts is unacceptable towards the goal of repairing a broken marriage even if infidelity is nothing personal to the cheater.

The Power of Letting Go

Do you notice how sometimes the more we hold on to something, the more it slips away? It is as if it was not meant for us. We can see certain parallelisms in human relationships when those who love insist on holding on to a cheating spouse but no avail.

Most cheaters appear to be driven away more as their faithful spouses fight for them. They feel trapped in their marriages and see extramarital affairs as their refuge. They are unable to appreciate what they have and cannot think of anything else but opting out of the relationship.

Some cheated spouses seek consolation in their cheating spouse's continued physical presence in spite of the obvious emotional absence. The fact that the cheater has not totally abandoned the conjugal home can be an encouraging sign for possible reconciliation. However, it can also be possibly due to the fact that it is still a more convenient option for the cheater and not for any sentimental or romantic reason.

A faithful spouse who has done everything humanly possible to convince a change of heart in a cheating spouse should consider the wisdom of letting go. This means surrendering the fate of the marriage to time. Many cheating spouses realize their mistakes only in actually losing the faithful spouse. After being very busy running from a seemingly desperate spouse, the cheater may find the opportunity to think things over and realize his/her mistake as the faithful spouse reacts totally out-of-character in quiet resignation.

Letting go commands its own power. It may not be as sensational as physically fighting for a cheating partner but it forces the cheater to think instead of simply reacting. When a faithful spouse finally lets go of a cheating partner, there is no guarantee that the cheater will come back. What it promises to do is to give back the power of cheated spouses to live for themselves and not for the pain brought upon by their cheating partners. There is definitely more to life than being the receiver of infidelity.

Marriage of Convenience- Does it Lay the Foundation for Infidelity?

A marriage of convenience is said to be an agreement between two people to be bounded in marriage for practical and financial reasons rather than the desire for intimacy and emotional support. Because of the seemingly "cold" conditions of the relationship presented from the very start, it could be very difficult to attain the level of intimacy that will develop trust between the couple. This is especially so when one party is "forced" to participate in the sexual aspect of the relationship merely as part of his/her own side of the agreement.

There are many men and women holding advantageous positions in society who will try to "buy" the affection of their objects of desire by providing that which is needed most by the other in exchange. There are also instances where the party in need initiates the proposal and is either accepted or rejected by the other. In situations such as this where the real reason for wanting to go into marriage is quite clear between the couple, is it realistic therefore to expect that the spouse who has no genuine interest on the other will eventually find himself/herself in the path of infidelity?

We have to remember that anyone who crosses the lines dictated by marriage in the aspect of fidelity is considered a cheat whether or not he/she has expressed love for the other. It is enough that he/she has agreed to be part of the marriage even if it is only done to fulfill a personal purpose. The other party who agrees to fulfill such a purpose naturally expects something in return for the favor. It is quite common for them to expect their spouses to be faithful at least during the tenure of the agreement, unless of course there has been an agreement arrived into otherwise.

There are known cases where partners to marriage for convenience allow each other a certain degree of freedom to maintain relationships with another man or woman subject to limitations. This agreement is usually known between the couple only and requires a substantial degree of restraint on both sides so as to avoid shaming the other in the public's eyes. A marriage of convenience tends to lay the foundation for infidelity since sexual desire and affection of at least one spouse is reserved for another.

Checking Out That Mysterious Number

If your spouse's frequent phone use has recently become unsettling because the person on the other end of the line remains a mystery or a source of doubt, it is time to settle the issue once and for all . You could just be punishing yourself with an overactive imagination or you can be on to something important like marital infidelity. None the less, a spouse who appears less than straightforward when asked about the identity of his /her frequent phone conversation partner, should be the subject of a subtle preliminary investigation.

Subtlety is required especially when everything is just about suspicions with no hard evidence to support the accusations of cheating. The number one rule in confronting a possible cheating spouse is not to initiate any form of confrontation about the suspected cheating without any proof. The cheating spouse may see through the attempts of fishing for information thereby only exposing the doubtful spouse to more lies instead of the desired truth.

A mysterious phone caller who makes it a habit to hang up when you answer the phone but responds when your spouse gets to answer it is not merely a nuisance caller but possibly a lover of your spouse who becomes reckless enough to risk exposure rather than wait for you spouse's call or visit. This mystery caller can be unmasked through a simple process called the reverse phone look up. However, you as the doubting spouse have one and only one requirement to fulfill and that is to get the number of the caller or the person being called either through your landline or your spouse' s cell phone.

The reverse phone number look up service is offered by many online service providers. For a fee, you will be given a report containing anything and everything pertinent to the mysterious number or numbers which you hold in your hand. These service providers usually have complete information of all numbers registered in the US including cellular numbers, unlisted numbers and blocked numbers.

Once you have such the information you need, you can determine for yourself whether or not there is probable basis for your suspicions. Calls from the boss are frequently work related although a superior of the opposite sex calling in the middle of the night can still raise doubts. Further investigation may be required if doubts are not laid to rest with the identity of the caller.

Online Support for Victims of Infidelity

People who have been cheated on may feel like screaming to the world of their pain but cannot do so primarily due to the fear of repercussions ranging from being ridiculed, laughed at, or even being pitied. It is not easy to be at the receiving end of these kinds of human reactions and many will choose to keep quiet instead of being subjected to such situations. It is therefore not surprising that many spouses on the receiving end of infidelity suffer in silence.

Victims of infidelity need someone to talk to. That person need not even have to have the answers to the questions going on in the minds of the cheated. Sometimes, all it takes is to have someone who will listen patiently and relate to the difficult situation.

Many victims of infidelity would like to have the opportunity to sound-off their pain but would prefer to do it anonymously. This eliminates the need to provide face-to-face accounts which can be very embarrassing. The online world has again come to the rescue through support communities catering to victims of infidelity.

These communities manifest their presence through their respective websites. Aside from offering educational articles and information about infidelity and surviving it, people can share their own stories and slowly let go of their pain. It is no secret that people who are able to share their problems are able to think more clearly and pursue more positive actions instead of delving on negativity. Advice can also be solicited from other readers who are in the same situation. Online support for victims of infidelity can facilitate faster healing and recovery.

What's With the Fighting Stance?

Ever wondered why your spouse seems to be challenging you all the time to a fight at the slightest provocation? Sometimes, the fighting stance appears to originate from nothing which blows everything out of proportion. Could it be possible that your spouse is losing his/her mind or is he/she simply trying to cover up something like infidelity?

Guilty people tend to be argumentative because they are usually unable to carry the burden of their own doing well enough to act naturally. The burden is heavier if the cheated spouse can be categorized as a good spouse who has done nothing to deserve such a betrayal. Picking up a fight for no reason is a clear manifestation of the ongoing turmoil within the cheater.

Cheaters will also try to shift the blame on their unknowing spouses by claiming to have witnessed signs of infidelity. A passing look done by the cheated spouse on a member of the opposite sex will be termed as malicious interest. Cheaters can also insist on a different meaning with friendships maintained by the faithful spouse even with no apparent change in the level of intimacy in such friendships. These actions are just meant to deviate the attention from the cheater's own actions by putting the faithful spouse on the defensive.

A full-blown fight provides a suitable reason for the cheater to conveniently walk out of the house into the arms of the lover. Since a fight would require the fighting couple to cool-off, the cheater can stay out of the house without being questioned further by the doubtful spouse. The carefully planned-out fight provides the cheater with enough time to rendezvous with the lover without having to concoct reasons to explain the absence. The cheater may choose to continue adopting the fighting stance upon going home which effectively discourages any more questioning from the faithful spouse. Nothing can be more welcome to a cheating spouse than the silence of a doubtful spouse.

Law on Provocation

Infidelity is quite dangerous in the sense that it can lead some people to temporarily lose control of themselves and commit crimes of passion. Crimes of passion usually happen when the cheating spouse is caught in the sexual act with the lover, catching the legal spouse in complete surprise who is momentarily robbed of all reason and kills the offending spouse and lover. There is also the premeditated type which has been planned carefully after the discovery of spousal infidelity.

In the UK, there are plans to change existing murder laws that tries husbands or boyfriends who commit crimes of passion for the lesser crime of manslaughter. By the Law of Provocation, a man is partially justified in killing a partner who has provoked him by cheating on him. The existing laws has been drawing flak from the feminist side especially since a woman who kills a man who has continuously abused her physically is not entitled to the same "privilege" and is tried for the bigger crime of murder. In effect, the message being sent is that it is reasonable for a man to take out his anger on a woman by killing her but a woman who does the same is unacceptable, having no access whatsoever to the Law on Provocation.

Although there appears to be a consensus that the law tends to favor men in the treatment of domestic violence, there are also those that caution against the complete reversal of the law because of the corresponding consequences. The new law seeks to try men who kill women out of jealous anger for murder. It also seeks to help women who kill their abusive husbands. It will also replace the current defense of provocation with a law based on words or conduct. This means that people can claim that they killed someone because of the fear of further violence against them. Clearly, there is a need to tread carefully on the defenses made available to people who end up killing their partners.

It is a fact that many men have taken advantage of the law of provocation and did not seek to restrain themselves more strongly than they should from taking the matters into their own hands. It is also a fact that many battered women have been battered further by the law when they sought to end their misery in the hands of their husbands. This should call attention on how human laws can unfairly work for one and not for the other.

Infidelity as Old as Time

At about the same time humanity came to be, infidelity poised itself as part of human existence, so the story goes. Spousal cheating is not a new a societal phenomenon and is in fact as old as time. It has occurred during biblical times and continues to occur at our present time.

Infidelity came from the word infidel which originally meant someone who has become unfaithful to his/her religion. Today, the word infidelity is more readily associated with people who are unfaithful to their spouses and their marriage. It almost always includes the presumption of cheating with a sexual nature.

Depending on beliefs and prevailing culture, infidelity can either be accepted, tolerated or condemned. The term is sometimes used interchangeably with affair, cheating, betrayal, and adultery. In places where it is deemed punishable by law, cheaters will have to face possible stoning, hanging , payment of damages to aggrieved spouse, or imprisonment.

The reaction to infidelity hasn't changed much over time. Privileged men like kings of yesteryears and rich men of current years are allowed to slide easier than people of lesser means. Infidelity is sometimes even carried with honor in societies that associate manliness with the number of women involved with. Time can eventually modify what constitutes infidelity although the key element of violating spousal trust is expected to remain.

Combat Infidelity-Be the Other Woman in Your Husband's Life

Much like the popular adage "If you can't lick them, join them", wives should try learning the craft of being the other woman in their husbands' lives, to prevent possible bouts with infidelity. We all know that wives are often assigned the roles of boring females who have lost their air of mystery and tend to be very predictable while mistresses are often always associated with exciting trysts hinting of risks and danger. A man who has become too bored in his marriage may consider an affair in the hope of bringing the spice back into his seemingly uneventful life.

The fact that boredom in marriage is not solved by having an affair has not prevented many married people from indulging in it to chase excitement. Others offer the justification that having an affair can actually help the marriage by providing the excitement that it obviously lacks. If we are to give any credit for this justification in the hearts of those who wish to remain monogamous, then it is time for doubtful wives to assume the role of being the other woman as well to their husbands.

Mistresses are stereotyped as loving, non-complaining, appreciative females who provide the continuous boost required by the male ego to feel good. Wives are unusually unable to manifest these traits because of the responsibilities and obligations that come with marriage. It would probably be a good idea to take some time off from the serious details of daily life to open up opportunities for mutual enjoyment between husband and wife that could work to rejuvenate the romance in the relationship.

Women should never neglect their appearance and strive to remain attractive and competitive even alongside younger and more physically endowed females. Although not all mistresses actually turn out to be more attractive than the wives, there are bound to be some physical reasons that could reinforce the urge to cheat. Come to think of it, husbands should also be thinking of ways to infuse excitement in the marriage by acting more like a lover to their bored wives. A couple who sees the signs of boredom creeping into the marriage should initiate ways to revive it between them instead of channelling their efforts outside.

Two Loves

It is pure wonder how one man can profess true and equal love to two women at the same time. Unable to choose between the wife and the mistress, the man insists on dividing his time, attention, and love between them. A greater wonder would be is that these two women allow the situation to continue with no visible attempts to leave.

At first glance, this can be interpreted as a purely selfish act of the man. This is not at all surprising because he clearly holds an advantageous position over the two women. He has in his hands the best of both worlds, a loyal wife hoping that he will get to his senses and leave the mistress and a hopeful paramour seeking to take the place of the legal wife.

Not every cheating man gets to be so lucky as to have a choice. The usual scenario would be is that the wife either leaves or makes sure that the affair is cut from the time it was discovered. Not many women can accept the truth that they have to share their men with another.

Is it really possible to have equal love for two? Probably not, but who can stop a man from claiming otherwise? Until the two women in his life have not given up on having him exclusively, he might just be fortunate enough for several years more before one comes out wiser and finally leaves him. Not to worry, he still has one left by his side.

Another Man's Child

Infidelity in marriage has spawned a social problem affecting spouses, parents, and children alike. This is the issue about a man unknowingly raising the child of another. The husband of a woman who bears a child during marriage is presumed to be the father of the same child. But what if the child is the product of the wife's affair with another man? Is it just to let the husband shoulder the heavy responsibility of fatherhood to a child who is not in any way biologically related to him?

Women who produce children out of extramarital affairs unknown to their spouses have the tendency to conceal the truth thinking that it presents the easy way out. Keeping quiet eliminates the need to confess, to engage in bitter confrontation, and to permanently destroy the marriage. Unless there is something that obviously gives rise to suspicions of fatherhood such as the genetic improbability of producing children of a different race, trusting husbands can actually go through life thinking that they are raising their own child when nothing can be farther from the truth.

Come to think of it, only men will typically find themselves in this situation. Women will always know their real children because they bore them unless in extreme circumstances where children have been purposely switched at birth. Even then, women have the advantage of really knowing whether they have conceived a child or not.

Paternity can be determined by laboratory testing but this can only be availed of by people who know that they have yet to be acknowledged as a biological child and therefore would be actively seeking the answer to their questions. There is no shame in raising another man's child especially if it is being done without deceit or manipulation. Forcing it however by telling a lie in denying the occurrence of infidelity is unfair to the person unduly burdened by the responsibility.

The Fidelity Challenge Faced by Military Spouses

Many people are under the impression that spouses of military personnel are one of specific groups of people who face the most challenge in maintaining fidelity to their partners. Far from being a culture or an accepted practice, infidelity of military spouses is attributed to the unique circumstances surrounding the lifestyle dictated by duty to country. Active duty military personnel are in the mercy of their assignments and the challenges attached to them.

Frequent moves and long periods of separation are just some of the stressful factors that are inherent in marriages involving at least one military person. Because of these realities, it is often difficult, if not impossible to share daily living as typically experienced by a married couple. Soldiers will most probably miss important family events and milestones that could be very difficult to handle as demands of family obligations continue to grow.

Military spouses will always have to consider the possibility of being one of the many who have to wait for an undetermined period of time as their spouses get lost or captured in action. Sometimes the reality of death would appear kinder than the prospect of seemingly endless limbo in not knowing the truth. Loneliness would be the greatest threat at this point as the spouse who gets left behind tries to come to terms with her situation. As the chance for the soldier's safe return becomes smaller, the opportunity for the spouse to be unfaithful becomes bigger.

The possibility of spousal cheating is not diminished even under ordinary situations when it comes to military couples. It would be best therefore to develop a system that will effectively work to dissuade acting on a temptation. Since temptation abounds everywhere even among non-military couples, it would help to know the boundaries that should be observed to keep it away. Distance has a way of blurring values, commitment, and accountability. Keeping the relationship alive serves as constant reminder to couples why they chose to be together in spite of knowing that a military job can keep them away from each other.

The Jealous Cheater

Many women might find their boyfriend's or husband's habitual jealousy flattering or exciting, seeing it as a sign of being truly loved by the man. Although a healthy dose of jealousy once in a while can be quite romantic, obssessive jealousy may just be a sign of something else. Jealous cheating men usually project what they do by being overly possessive and distrustful of their girlfriends or wives.

In psychology, projection is the assumption of a person that other people do what he himself does. Thus, a cheating man who is projecting, assumes that his wife or girlfriend is likewise cheating on him. This projection is primarily manifested by unreasonable jealousy which considers every man or circumstance related to his wife, a suspect for infidelity.

His jealousy therefore is not an indication of his great belief in maintaining fidelity in his relationship but rather hinged on a double standard which makes his cheating acceptable but not his partner's. He attributes his own actions and values to his partner and is unable to imagine that his wife can be any better than him in the matter of faithfulness. In trying to "prevent" cheating by his partner, he keeps a very close watch and takes control.

Jealous cheaters have the tendency to be physically and emotionally abusive on their partners. They are unable to handle the ghost of indifelity which they created. In the process, it is almost always the faithful partner who suffers.

Cheating Gossip

We are all familiar with the pain brought upon by gossip, whether true or false. Cheating gossip is especially hurtful because it can destroy a relationship that affects the lives of not only two people but the lives of the people important to them as well. Discussions of possible infidelity are especially juicy when the personalities involved are known to rumor-mongers since the gossip automatically represents a face.

This is the reason why gossips come alive in offices, neighborhoods, organizations, and social circles. Sometimes it is true that the subjects bring the wrath of gossip upon themselves by their careless actions. It is very difficult for onlookers not to give malice to actions and words that have clearly gone overboard the accepted social standards.

Protestations of innocence is most often not enough if actions go against the words. When a man and woman married to other people choose to forge a special bond between them that can easily be interpreted as more than friendship, they invite the accusations, the malice, and of course, the cheating gossip. Adults are expected to act responsibly so as not to provide a reason for gossip to begin.

That said, responsible adults are likewise expected to know that participating in gossip does not hold promise of any good result. Gossip has destroyed a lot of relationships that should not have been destroyed in the first place. Cheating gossips can be initiated by another person due to anger, jealousy, and other personal reasons to exact vengeance for a reason totally unrelated to infidelity. It would help to remember that the damage that results from unfounded gossip never gets completely erased and this has caused many individuals to suffer unfairly for a considerable length of time.

Blackmailing the Cheater

In extramarital affairs gone sour, one scenario that is most likely to arise is the blackmailing of the cheater by his/her lover. Secret lovers tend to stick together in covering up an illicit relationship and when a change of heart occurs, there is definitely an underlying reason. A lover or mistress will not expose or threaten to expose the affair partner unless there is an expected benefit that will result if he/she is able to strike fear in the heart of the cheater.

The most common reason for blackmailing a cheater is the lover's perception of decreasing affection. The blackmailer hopes to prevent the cheater from ending the affair especially if he/she has reason to believe that the cheater is seriously thinking of cutting off ties. The threat of exposure usually works at a time when the cheater realizes the importance of his/her marriage. This is quite ironic since the cheater is forced to prolong the affair so as not to destroy the chances of reviving a troubled marriage.

Another common cause is money. The motive for blackmailing a cheater in exchange for gaining monetary considerations may exist from the very start or towards the end of the relationship. Premeditated blackmailing has been planned even before the relationship started. Blackmailing lovers typically target prospective cheaters who are rich, famous, or at least have something particularly useful such as influence.

Blackmailing that happens towards the end of the relationship can be a direct offshoot of loss of affection. It can be used as a form of revenge or gaining consolation in getting a financial benefit in the face of the ended affair. Financial gain they say, has a way of softening the pain brought about by a separation that is inevitable anyway.

Sometimes, the legal spouse of the the lover does the blackmailing and ends up victorious in gaining back his/her spouse and exacting revenge on the affair partner. This is one of the most equalizing twists of infidelity. In instances where the cheater is being blackmailed by the cheated, it becomes very clear that two can play this cruel game.

The Cheating Karma

Karma is a Sanskrit word which means action or deed. Most of us associate it with the cycle of cause and effect where we expect to get results based on what we do. In Hindu, God's involvement in the cycle of karma is attributed to his fairness in giving people exactly what they deserve. This means reaping the benefits of our good deeds or suffering through the consequences of the bad.

There are some people who believe that a person who is presently being wronged by a spouse through infidelity may have done the same act or acts in an earlier life. In essence, if a person cheats on his/her spouse today, he/she will me made to suffer the same fate in a future life when reincarnated. This view of course is very subjective since not all of us believe in past lives or future lives different from the life which we are living now.

In the Western world, the saying most often used that is closest to the principle of karma is "What goes around comes around". This is simply saying that what you do eventually comes back to you. The cheating karma can be considered poetic justice for the cheated ones as they get to exact revenge without lifting a finger, whether they like to or not.

Believers in the existence of bad karma say that the vicious cycle can be stopped by forgiveness. A cheated person who is presumed to have been the cheater in an earlier life can take the opportunity not to add any more bad feelings and actions that would allow the bad karma to fester. By being able to forgive and recommit to the relationship, the cheated person elevates himself/herself to a higher spiritual level.

People need not be believers in karma to realize that betrayal of spousal trust cannot produce positive results. Cheated spouses will lose faith in other people. Cheaters themselves will be unable to have peace of mind knowing that what they did can easily be done to them by their new lovers. Unless properly resolved, infidelity will have long-term effects.

Changing the Cheater

Changing the cheater is such a complicated business because no one can really answer if its possible except the cheaters themselves. External intervention such as counseling and threats of separation can only go so far. Towards the end, repeat infidelity of the cheater may no longer be the issue but the capacity of the cheated spouse to trust again.

The question: Can a cheater ever change for good?

Those who answer "yes" may be people who trust in the basic goodness of human beings regardless of mistakes and faults committed along the way. They can also be people who cannot recognize an unrepentant cheater if they see one. They can also be cheated spouses who choose to forgive and allow trust to reign in the relationship once again.

People who say "no" have zero tolerance for spousal cheating thus their disbelief in the possibility of changing a cheater. They may likewise believe in the basic goodness of humans with the exception of those who have clearly manifested their flaws. They can be cheated spouses who could never give reconciliation a chance.

The middle-grounders who say "maybe" realize that there are certain conditions that need to be met for real change to occur in cheaters. First is the admission of guilt by the cheater and the acceptance by the cheated spouse of the mistake as something forgivable. Second is the in-depth analysis of why cheating occurred and how it can be avoided in the future. Third is the determination of both parties to make it work. Cheaters should stop rationalizing their behavior while cheated spouses should allow the positive change to happen by trusting again.

Hating But Loving

No one can really explain the how it is possible to love and hate a person at the same time. Take for instance the case of spousal cheating where the cheating part itself is hateful but the cheated spouse still finds it impossible to fall out of love from the cheater. This reality is directly related to the amount of invested time and effort in a relationship.

In a relationship such as this, couples often find themselves dealing with a roller-coaster of emotions as they try to cope with the realities of the situation. One part would like to be released from the relationship while the remaining part wants to stay on. The result will depend on which part eventually comes out stronger.

It is common to see cheated spouses leaving their cheating partners in anger and disgust over the discovered infidelity only to come back, being unable to "live" without the cheater. Many do so and force themselves to go through the struggle of coming to terms with the unfaithful act that has been done by their spouses as they try to save their marriages because of love. Saving a marriage that has been disturbed by infidelity cannot be done by the cheated spouse alone.

Cheated spouses who decide to stay even after discovering spousal infidelity will have many moments of doubt and insecurity before they can truly overcome the betrayal. What the cheater does during this critical stage will account for the final result. The hating but loving stance of spouses on the receiving end of infidelity sometimes result to lowered self-esteem and respect as they run after their cheating spouses in spite of being rejected over and over again when these cheaters choose their lovers over them. Faced with this situation, cheated spouses should probably start showing more love for themselves and pick up the pieces of their lives without their cheating partners.

Threats of Exposure

The one thing good about having a cheating spouse who has something to lose is that threats of exposure can convince him/her to stop. Anyone who stands to lose something important such as reputation, work, or financial benefits, can be forced to cease unfaithful acts if exposure will lead to deprivation or withholding of these things. This is of course granting that cheaters have yet to lose them. Otherwise, threatening them will not produce desired results.

Cheaters who still value their reputation usually include people who hold important positions in the government and the community. Since these positions are typically trust-related, it would be very difficult to reconcile the desired trustworthy image with that of a cheating spouse. It is almost impossible to convince the public to separate the cheater's public life from the private. Exposure of marital infidelity has brought the downfall of many powerful men because cheating in any aspect is unacceptable in people who are given so much power. How can one believe a presidential candidate for example that he will be true to his office and mandate when he cheats on his wife?

Cheaters who work in job environments that heavily sanction spousal infidelity by outright dismissal and other forms of "punishment" will definitely reconsider a spouse's request or demand to terminate an existing affair under threat of exposure. This threat comes out double-bladed if the lover is also employed in the same company. This can be a very convincing threat especially if the lover has his/her own family who will likely suffer as a result of the sanctions given.

Threats of exposure related to withholding of certain financial considerations may affect division of conjugal property, child custody and support, and alimony. Inheritance can also come into the picture particularly in circumstances where wealthy parents of affected couples show disapproval of divorce through decreased share in the expected estate. Threatening to expose infidelity might just work for cheaters who may need some serious jolting from their imagined freedom.

The Politics of Cheating

Would you believe that there is such a thing as politics of cheating? Just like in regular politics, couples dealing with infidelity observe specific rules and standards which they deem acceptable to both of them. Each is expected to understand the parameters of a relationship and is expected as well to accept the consequences for going beyond what is allowed.

The most common standard among married couples is that infidelity is not acceptable and therefore cannot be tolerated in the relationship. It is clear from the start that the cheater risks the possibility of losing the faithful spouse when infidelity is confirmed. Many couples tie the fidelity agreement with matters pertaining to finances, property, and rights to children probably in the hope that each will think many times before deciding to cheat.

Many couples have an unspoken truce to accept the infidelity of the other without expressly saying it and as long as it does not result to public embarrassment especially to the cheated spouse. Some subscribe to the belief that what they don't know won't hurt them. Others just look at infidelity as a minor inconvenience in a much larger picture of preserved marriages typically of those in important social positions.

Couples can agree to grant the privilege of "cheating" to each other such as in open marriages. Although extramarital affairs are mutually allowed and therefore does not strictly constitute cheating, certain rules are still to be observed such as the knowledge of the partner with regards to the sexual relation with another. The context of cheating arises only when one partner purposely hides a particular affair from the other.

People enter marriage under a general rule but usually end up with their own modifications to accommodate their preferences. That is how politics is, always trying be ahead of the other.

A New Beginning

Discovering spousal infidelity can come as a blessing in disguise especially for those who have been betrayed many times or for a considerable length of time. Most of the time, it would take a confirmation of cheating for long suffering spouses to take real action. In the lighter side, knowing makes it possible to have a new beginning.

Starting anew does not only mean leaving the relationship to pursue a life away from the cheating partner. It can also be about reassessing the marriage and understanding what led to the unfaithfulness. Starting from there, changes can be made by the couple to end extramarital affairs and concentrate on what can be done to save the marriage.

It does not stop on saving the marriage as in merely deciding to stick together. There must a conscious effort by the cheater to mend his/her ways and by the cheated in allowing trust to come back to the relationship. Couples who have gone through the difficulty of marital cheating and survived it come out wiser in knowing that infidelity is a real threat to marriage.

A cheated spouse who is able to free himself/herself from the bondage of doubt and betrayal is entitled to a new beginning. After going through the different phases of insecurity, hurt, anger, and despair, it is time to move on and discover what lies in store for one's self. Regardless of what decisions are made in the future, the cheated can take control of his/her own life with or without the cheating partner.