Online Support for Victims of Infidelity

People who have been cheated on may feel like screaming to the world of their pain but cannot do so primarily due to the fear of repercussions ranging from being ridiculed, laughed at, or even being pitied. It is not easy to be at the receiving end of these kinds of human reactions and many will choose to keep quiet instead of being subjected to such situations. It is therefore not surprising that many spouses on the receiving end of infidelity suffer in silence.

Victims of infidelity need someone to talk to. That person need not even have to have the answers to the questions going on in the minds of the cheated. Sometimes, all it takes is to have someone who will listen patiently and relate to the difficult situation.

Many victims of infidelity would like to have the opportunity to sound-off their pain but would prefer to do it anonymously. This eliminates the need to provide face-to-face accounts which can be very embarrassing. The online world has again come to the rescue through support communities catering to victims of infidelity.

These communities manifest their presence through their respective websites. Aside from offering educational articles and information about infidelity and surviving it, people can share their own stories and slowly let go of their pain. It is no secret that people who are able to share their problems are able to think more clearly and pursue more positive actions instead of delving on negativity. Advice can also be solicited from other readers who are in the same situation. Online support for victims of infidelity can facilitate faster healing and recovery.

What's With the Fighting Stance?

Ever wondered why your spouse seems to be challenging you all the time to a fight at the slightest provocation? Sometimes, the fighting stance appears to originate from nothing which blows everything out of proportion. Could it be possible that your spouse is losing his/her mind or is he/she simply trying to cover up something like infidelity?

Guilty people tend to be argumentative because they are usually unable to carry the burden of their own doing well enough to act naturally. The burden is heavier if the cheated spouse can be categorized as a good spouse who has done nothing to deserve such a betrayal. Picking up a fight for no reason is a clear manifestation of the ongoing turmoil within the cheater.

Cheaters will also try to shift the blame on their unknowing spouses by claiming to have witnessed signs of infidelity. A passing look done by the cheated spouse on a member of the opposite sex will be termed as malicious interest. Cheaters can also insist on a different meaning with friendships maintained by the faithful spouse even with no apparent change in the level of intimacy in such friendships. These actions are just meant to deviate the attention from the cheater's own actions by putting the faithful spouse on the defensive.

A full-blown fight provides a suitable reason for the cheater to conveniently walk out of the house into the arms of the lover. Since a fight would require the fighting couple to cool-off, the cheater can stay out of the house without being questioned further by the doubtful spouse. The carefully planned-out fight provides the cheater with enough time to rendezvous with the lover without having to concoct reasons to explain the absence. The cheater may choose to continue adopting the fighting stance upon going home which effectively discourages any more questioning from the faithful spouse. Nothing can be more welcome to a cheating spouse than the silence of a doubtful spouse.

Law on Provocation

Infidelity is quite dangerous in the sense that it can lead some people to temporarily lose control of themselves and commit crimes of passion. Crimes of passion usually happen when the cheating spouse is caught in the sexual act with the lover, catching the legal spouse in complete surprise who is momentarily robbed of all reason and kills the offending spouse and lover. There is also the premeditated type which has been planned carefully after the discovery of spousal infidelity.

In the UK, there are plans to change existing murder laws that tries husbands or boyfriends who commit crimes of passion for the lesser crime of manslaughter. By the Law of Provocation, a man is partially justified in killing a partner who has provoked him by cheating on him. The existing laws has been drawing flak from the feminist side especially since a woman who kills a man who has continuously abused her physically is not entitled to the same "privilege" and is tried for the bigger crime of murder. In effect, the message being sent is that it is reasonable for a man to take out his anger on a woman by killing her but a woman who does the same is unacceptable, having no access whatsoever to the Law on Provocation.

Although there appears to be a consensus that the law tends to favor men in the treatment of domestic violence, there are also those that caution against the complete reversal of the law because of the corresponding consequences. The new law seeks to try men who kill women out of jealous anger for murder. It also seeks to help women who kill their abusive husbands. It will also replace the current defense of provocation with a law based on words or conduct. This means that people can claim that they killed someone because of the fear of further violence against them. Clearly, there is a need to tread carefully on the defenses made available to people who end up killing their partners.

It is a fact that many men have taken advantage of the law of provocation and did not seek to restrain themselves more strongly than they should from taking the matters into their own hands. It is also a fact that many battered women have been battered further by the law when they sought to end their misery in the hands of their husbands. This should call attention on how human laws can unfairly work for one and not for the other.

Infidelity as Old as Time

At about the same time humanity came to be, infidelity poised itself as part of human existence, so the story goes. Spousal cheating is not a new a societal phenomenon and is in fact as old as time. It has occurred during biblical times and continues to occur at our present time.

Infidelity came from the word infidel which originally meant someone who has become unfaithful to his/her religion. Today, the word infidelity is more readily associated with people who are unfaithful to their spouses and their marriage. It almost always includes the presumption of cheating with a sexual nature.

Depending on beliefs and prevailing culture, infidelity can either be accepted, tolerated or condemned. The term is sometimes used interchangeably with affair, cheating, betrayal, and adultery. In places where it is deemed punishable by law, cheaters will have to face possible stoning, hanging , payment of damages to aggrieved spouse, or imprisonment.

The reaction to infidelity hasn't changed much over time. Privileged men like kings of yesteryears and rich men of current years are allowed to slide easier than people of lesser means. Infidelity is sometimes even carried with honor in societies that associate manliness with the number of women involved with. Time can eventually modify what constitutes infidelity although the key element of violating spousal trust is expected to remain.

Combat Infidelity-Be the Other Woman in Your Husband's Life

Much like the popular adage "If you can't lick them, join them", wives should try learning the craft of being the other woman in their husbands' lives, to prevent possible bouts with infidelity. We all know that wives are often assigned the roles of boring females who have lost their air of mystery and tend to be very predictable while mistresses are often always associated with exciting trysts hinting of risks and danger. A man who has become too bored in his marriage may consider an affair in the hope of bringing the spice back into his seemingly uneventful life.

The fact that boredom in marriage is not solved by having an affair has not prevented many married people from indulging in it to chase excitement. Others offer the justification that having an affair can actually help the marriage by providing the excitement that it obviously lacks. If we are to give any credit for this justification in the hearts of those who wish to remain monogamous, then it is time for doubtful wives to assume the role of being the other woman as well to their husbands.

Mistresses are stereotyped as loving, non-complaining, appreciative females who provide the continuous boost required by the male ego to feel good. Wives are unusually unable to manifest these traits because of the responsibilities and obligations that come with marriage. It would probably be a good idea to take some time off from the serious details of daily life to open up opportunities for mutual enjoyment between husband and wife that could work to rejuvenate the romance in the relationship.

Women should never neglect their appearance and strive to remain attractive and competitive even alongside younger and more physically endowed females. Although not all mistresses actually turn out to be more attractive than the wives, there are bound to be some physical reasons that could reinforce the urge to cheat. Come to think of it, husbands should also be thinking of ways to infuse excitement in the marriage by acting more like a lover to their bored wives. A couple who sees the signs of boredom creeping into the marriage should initiate ways to revive it between them instead of channelling their efforts outside.

Two Loves

It is pure wonder how one man can profess true and equal love to two women at the same time. Unable to choose between the wife and the mistress, the man insists on dividing his time, attention, and love between them. A greater wonder would be is that these two women allow the situation to continue with no visible attempts to leave.

At first glance, this can be interpreted as a purely selfish act of the man. This is not at all surprising because he clearly holds an advantageous position over the two women. He has in his hands the best of both worlds, a loyal wife hoping that he will get to his senses and leave the mistress and a hopeful paramour seeking to take the place of the legal wife.

Not every cheating man gets to be so lucky as to have a choice. The usual scenario would be is that the wife either leaves or makes sure that the affair is cut from the time it was discovered. Not many women can accept the truth that they have to share their men with another.

Is it really possible to have equal love for two? Probably not, but who can stop a man from claiming otherwise? Until the two women in his life have not given up on having him exclusively, he might just be fortunate enough for several years more before one comes out wiser and finally leaves him. Not to worry, he still has one left by his side.

Another Man's Child

Infidelity in marriage has spawned a social problem affecting spouses, parents, and children alike. This is the issue about a man unknowingly raising the child of another. The husband of a woman who bears a child during marriage is presumed to be the father of the same child. But what if the child is the product of the wife's affair with another man? Is it just to let the husband shoulder the heavy responsibility of fatherhood to a child who is not in any way biologically related to him?

Women who produce children out of extramarital affairs unknown to their spouses have the tendency to conceal the truth thinking that it presents the easy way out. Keeping quiet eliminates the need to confess, to engage in bitter confrontation, and to permanently destroy the marriage. Unless there is something that obviously gives rise to suspicions of fatherhood such as the genetic improbability of producing children of a different race, trusting husbands can actually go through life thinking that they are raising their own child when nothing can be farther from the truth.

Come to think of it, only men will typically find themselves in this situation. Women will always know their real children because they bore them unless in extreme circumstances where children have been purposely switched at birth. Even then, women have the advantage of really knowing whether they have conceived a child or not.

Paternity can be determined by laboratory testing but this can only be availed of by people who know that they have yet to be acknowledged as a biological child and therefore would be actively seeking the answer to their questions. There is no shame in raising another man's child especially if it is being done without deceit or manipulation. Forcing it however by telling a lie in denying the occurrence of infidelity is unfair to the person unduly burdened by the responsibility.

The Fidelity Challenge Faced by Military Spouses

Many people are under the impression that spouses of military personnel are one of specific groups of people who face the most challenge in maintaining fidelity to their partners. Far from being a culture or an accepted practice, infidelity of military spouses is attributed to the unique circumstances surrounding the lifestyle dictated by duty to country. Active duty military personnel are in the mercy of their assignments and the challenges attached to them.

Frequent moves and long periods of separation are just some of the stressful factors that are inherent in marriages involving at least one military person. Because of these realities, it is often difficult, if not impossible to share daily living as typically experienced by a married couple. Soldiers will most probably miss important family events and milestones that could be very difficult to handle as demands of family obligations continue to grow.

Military spouses will always have to consider the possibility of being one of the many who have to wait for an undetermined period of time as their spouses get lost or captured in action. Sometimes the reality of death would appear kinder than the prospect of seemingly endless limbo in not knowing the truth. Loneliness would be the greatest threat at this point as the spouse who gets left behind tries to come to terms with her situation. As the chance for the soldier's safe return becomes smaller, the opportunity for the spouse to be unfaithful becomes bigger.

The possibility of spousal cheating is not diminished even under ordinary situations when it comes to military couples. It would be best therefore to develop a system that will effectively work to dissuade acting on a temptation. Since temptation abounds everywhere even among non-military couples, it would help to know the boundaries that should be observed to keep it away. Distance has a way of blurring values, commitment, and accountability. Keeping the relationship alive serves as constant reminder to couples why they chose to be together in spite of knowing that a military job can keep them away from each other.

The Jealous Cheater

Many women might find their boyfriend's or husband's habitual jealousy flattering or exciting, seeing it as a sign of being truly loved by the man. Although a healthy dose of jealousy once in a while can be quite romantic, obssessive jealousy may just be a sign of something else. Jealous cheating men usually project what they do by being overly possessive and distrustful of their girlfriends or wives.

In psychology, projection is the assumption of a person that other people do what he himself does. Thus, a cheating man who is projecting, assumes that his wife or girlfriend is likewise cheating on him. This projection is primarily manifested by unreasonable jealousy which considers every man or circumstance related to his wife, a suspect for infidelity.

His jealousy therefore is not an indication of his great belief in maintaining fidelity in his relationship but rather hinged on a double standard which makes his cheating acceptable but not his partner's. He attributes his own actions and values to his partner and is unable to imagine that his wife can be any better than him in the matter of faithfulness. In trying to "prevent" cheating by his partner, he keeps a very close watch and takes control.

Jealous cheaters have the tendency to be physically and emotionally abusive on their partners. They are unable to handle the ghost of indifelity which they created. In the process, it is almost always the faithful partner who suffers.