Till Infidelity Do Us Part

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

So goes the usual marriage vows taken by newlyweds when they decide to start spending the rest of their lives together, but parting for many came way ahead of death. Many marriages encountered challenges and never recovered. One of the main culprits is marital infidelity.

With the rising trend of people opting to escape a marriage at the slightest inconvenience, marriages are no longer given the same opportunity to survive as before. Lapses in behavior, appearance, and everyday abilities are being used as reasons to look for another. For many, it is time to find a better partner when the spouse fails to live up to expectations. The process becomes painfully similar to discarding old possessions that no longer serve their purpose.

Marriages after infidelity are never the same. Couples are forced to reckon with sustained instability brought about by a lost sense of trust. Failure to find the working middle-ground between reconciling couples opens up the possibility of divorce. Many uttered the same marital vows and never thought that infidelity would cause them to part ways with their partners.

The marital vow reminds us that marriage will not always be happy and smooth as it mentions extreme conditions that could put any relationship to the real test. Having a cheating spouse will probably fall under the "worse" part but can be overcome when truthfully desired by both concerned. The willingness to work together against all possible obstacles in marriage is the only thing that can assure that a couple fulfills their vow to separate only because of death.

The Power of Observation

In a doubtful spouse's quest to find out the truth about a partner's faithfulness or unfaithfulness, there is one particular area where he/she can concentrate on. It requires no high costs and expenses but it does require time and effort. This is the keen ability to observe the changes happening to a cheating partner.

Cheaters normally have a ready cover for the obvious so the areas of special interest here are those that may appear unimportant or irrelevant. Experience would show that a great number of cheaters have been caught not by monumental discoveries but in all small slip-ups like words used, smell, a single telephone call, a look , or even a receipt. These small things matter much when interrelated with a nagging suspicion especially when collaborated unknowingly by seemingly innocent talks with family members and friends.

An out-of-town seminar of a spouse can be confirmed by participating in small talks with spouses of the suspect cheater's co-workers. A quick phone call in guise of a family social call can be made to a brother-in-law who was supposed to be a husband's companion in a recent late night-out. A surprise visit in work to a spouse can come in the form of a spontaneous desire for a romantic lunch date instead of an investigative effort to observe the spouse's behavior in the workplace.

Since cheaters generally do not admit anything unless absolutely cornered with evidence, the answers they provide to queries as to their whereabouts, destinations, companions, and time schedules have to be considered for what they are - possible points on which to start a personal investigation. Doubtful spouses should be ready not to get their answers straight from the cheater's mouth because voluntary confessions rarely happen. Cheaters can be beaten at their own game of secrecy by observant spouses who know their spouses way better than themselves.

Why Your Wife Wants to Be More Attractive Than Usual

Women are basically vain, meaning they want to look good which is perfectly normal. There is a belief that a special glow emanates from them when a man serves as an inspiration. Husbands would like to feel that they are responsible for such glow but what if another man is providing the inspiration? Let us dig deeper...

There is nothing surprising about a woman paying much attention to her physical appearance especially if she has been that way all along. Many women tend to relax on this aspect, some way too much for their husbands' taste, turning off whatever passion they have left for the woman they married. It can be caused by many things like pressure at home and in work, childbirth, or age.

A woman who suddenly takes great pains in looking more attractive than usual after neglecting her looks for a long while, is something that ought to be welcomed by a spouse. It is certainly a welcome development for a long-time marriage in need of some revitalizing element. In fact, the husband can use it as an opportunity to start taking more notice of his own physical appearance which may also be long overdue.

But what if your wife's efforts towards improving herself has another target? You can verify this yourself if you have reason to believe that there is something that needs to be looked into further. Does her new-found interest in her looks come with disturbing signs like frequent night outs with "friends", lingerie that she hasn't used in your own bedroom, an unusual new hobby or recreational activity, or unexplained telephone calls answered in hushed tones? Does she exhibit lack of interest in engaging in sex or does she appear to be avoiding any form of intimacy with you? Does her mind seem to be wandering off somewhere even if she is at home? Has she been particularly neglectful of her usual responsibilities as a spouse and as a mother?

If your wife manifests any, some or all of these signs, chances are your wife is making herself attractive for another man. A faithful wife who has found new reason to take care of herself better naturally extends the benefit to her family. If she is clearly going the other way, you need to confirm it and act on it as required by circumstances.

Infidelity Aftermath

What exactly happens between spouses after the initial discovery of infidelity? Will it be characterized by violent confrontation or quiet acceptance? The most common reaction of cheated spouses is somewhere in between or a combination of both as affected couples go through the different phases of recovery.

The initial stage is typically the most volatile where aggrieved spouses go through a roller-coaster of emotions ranging from anger to depression. Many cheated spouses cannot even bear to look at their cheating spouses without being engulfed by strong emotions that are very difficult to handle. Cheating spouses for their part may find themselves at a loss at how to conduct themselves, not being fully prepared for the mess they have created.

It is quite possible that cheaters do not realize the impact of their actions until they are seeing for themselves the effect marital infidelity has on their families. Before getting caught, they may be under the illusion that the thrill and excitement will have no end. Regrets never come before a mistake and when it comes, it is often too late to go back.

There are consequences to every action and decision people take. The aftermath of infidelity is one of the most difficult times for any committed relationship. During this time, many cheaters wish to undo what has been done which everyone knows is impossible. In the face of great temptation to cheat on one's spouse, it is always an effective wake-up call to imagine the probable consequences to determine if one can live with them.

Deceitful Virtual Daters

The virtual dating format has been developed primarily to allow single people to meet and mingle for the purpose of finding potential romantic matches. Although many participate just to engage in innovative social interaction, a large number of dating sites' membership hope to get lucky and find that elusive special someone. For people who are intent on developing serious relationships out of their online interaction, more reasons exist for them to protect themselves.

The fact that a dating site has been clearly promoted and operated for singles has not completely discouraged married people from joining and misrepresenting themselves as romantically available. Like in all other virtual worlds, not everything being said is the truth. Personalities totally opposite to the real person have been created and let loose online to victimize unknowing participants.

Married people who misrepresent themselves as singles are cheating on their spouses and deceiving other online daters. It is true that many dating sites now already offer their services primarily to married people. It offers a "better" option since daters enter the arena fully aware of each other's relationship limitations. Offering one's availability in a singles' site without fully disclosing real marital status is unfair to other daters who are seeking meaningful and permanent relationships.

One of the reasons why most online daters prefer the virtual date option is to avoid wasting time in meeting the wrong kind of people according to their personal standards and preferences. Being misled by a supposedly single online dater is truly a waste of time and energy on the part of those who present themselves as they really are. With the wider options offered by dating sites even to married people at this time and age, it is highly suspicious for cheating spouses to insist on perpetrating their lies on unknowing people.

Cheating Moments

When we think of cheating, we only usually consider instances where actual illicit sexual relation has taken placed. We never stop to think of those moments of preparation that brought us to the highest point of infidelity. In reality, infidelity includes those moments where our thoughts are on other man or woman besides our spouse, allowing the temptation to take over and bring us further away from what is deemed as right and proper in our situation.

Cheating moments have their special allure that can be very hard to resist when they come our way. The feeling of being attractive, of being wanted, and of being needed are overpowering needs especially to a lonely person. Loneliness pervades even in marriage which makes many married people vulnerable to the temptation.

Cheating is often used as an escape from the hard realities presented by married life. When we make ourselves available to opportunities for cheating even without any real intention to do it, we set up ourselves for the trap that awaits. Once in, very few are able to come out unscathed.

Conversations, gestures, and emotions that have clearly passed the stage of innocent friendship are preludes to full-blown infidelity. Spending excessive time and effort on a member of the opposite sex at the cost of the stability of the marriage is considered cheating because the spouse participating in it is effectively cheating the legal spouse of the time and effort that was meant for him/her. Cheating moments sometimes disguise themselves as friendly concern for another or having harmless "clean" fun with a co-worker. A definite alarm should be sounded off when these are purposely being hidden from the unknowing spouse. Where there is guilt, there is a tendency for secrecy.

Infidelity and Famous People

Spousal infidelity creates a scandal no matter what but it is magnified many times over when famous people are involved. Their popularity usually works against them in this situation as they are subjected to more public scrutiny. A very few people undergoing marital troubles would appreciate having their affairs pushed into the spotlight. Most of the time however, the public refuses to let up the pressure on famous people as it tries to dig up just about every detail of an extramarital affair as well as the marital confrontation.

By now, everyone has become familiar in how the press usually bleeds to death stories of infidelity scandals that involve celebrities. Reporters provide a blow-by-blow account of the cheating saga, often through pieces of information provided by people who have something to say about the story. The incredulous part of it is that almost everyone has something to say, even those that have never personally known the people involved. This is probably the price of being known.

The effect of an infidelity scandal on a celebrity does not only involve his/her personal life. It extends to his/her career, typically in a detrimental way. This is usually true for personalities who have made their mark with wholesome images, family-oriented shows and products, as well as positions that require honesty and integrity. In the case of the entertainment and sports personalities, the first ones to go are the lucrative product endorsements while politicians caught cheating on their spouses usually lose their political clout and support. Famous personalities caught cheating on their spouses may suddenly experience scarceness in friends especially if such "friends" are career-related.

The cheated spouse and the children may also be plagued by nosy people to the point of invading their privacy. This is particularly hard for innocent children who already have to face daily the consequences of their parent's act. The public's preoccupation with scandals involving famous people is largely attributed to the need for a sense of equalization when people who are perceived to be in a more advantageous positions are not exempted from the problems experienced by "regular" people.

Catch Me If You Can

Some cheaters are so downright cocky with their unfaithfulness as if sending a message to their spouses to catch them if they can. All their actions do not pretend to hide something. The only thing missing is an outright confession to the cheated spouse.

When a cheater's act is like a plea to get caught, it makes one wonder why there is a need for secrecy at all. Well for one, there is a certain thrill in secrecy which many bored spouses would find desirable. If the lack of excitement in marriage is the primary problem, cheating admittedly fills in the void.

Obvious cheating begs for attention from the partner. It is a common thought to consider doing something extreme as infidelity to "shock" the partner into providing the much-needed attention. Actually doing it is an entirely different thing because of the negative consequences associated with it. The farthest most people would go is to hint on a possible affair just to arouse jealousy.

Other cheaters are just simply cruel as to slap their infidelity on the face of their partners. They would derive satisfaction from seeing their partners in emotional pain. Only a few people do so without reason. Most would be out for revenge on a previously unfaithful spouse while some are out to prove to their inattentive spouses that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

When cheating is done without any deliberate effort to conceal it, a clear message for intervention from the spouse is being sent out. Separation is obviously not the main intent since it is more swiftly accomplished by being direct to the point. Somehow, the need to stay remains although the marital problem can no longer be denied.