Too Beautiful to be Cheated On

Is there really such a thing as being too beautiful to be cheated on? It is so easy to believe that being physically endowed will protect you from being a victim of infidelity. But guess what? Even the most beautiful beings in this world will find themselves facing the pain brought upon by a cheating spouse by their own fault or their spouses'.

We would think that a spouse of a physically beautiful or handsome person will have nothing else to look for in a relationship. Humans have many kinds of needs to be truly satisfied and that holds true for everybody. In the long run, a relationship cannot go on based on physical attraction alone.

When we hear about exceptionally beautiful people being cheated by their usually average-looking spouses, we are incredulous. How did the cheating spouse fail to see that he/she is lucky enough to be married to a prize catch? We are even more incredulous when we see the mistress or the lover turning out to be less than average-looking or the exact opposite of the cheated spouse.

Many psychologists have tried to explain this phenomena by a basic human frailty - insecurity. Being married to the best and the "mostest" in all aspects puts so much pressure on the spouse who is perceived to be of lesser physical endowment. In such insecurity, he/she tends to jump the gun on the spouse because of an unspoken belief that the beautiful spouse will sooner or later find a better partner more suited to his/her stature.

Other cheating spouses find out soon enough that there is more to marriage than a beautiful spouse. In trying to fill in the lack, many will cheat but will keep the beautiful spouse because of a selfish pride of maintaining a certain stature. Physical beauty alone will not exempt anyone from facing infidelity.

Same Sex Cheating

Whoever said that having sexual relations with a person of the same sex is not cheating on the spouse must have gotten his/her definitions wrong. It is like saying that when a person who is into a committed gay relationship enters a sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex, there is no cheating committed. Gender aside, sexual relations outside a monogamous marriage or a committed relationship is tantamount to cheating.

The problem with cheaters is that they usually shy away from responsibility and resort to tactics and reasoning that intend to trivialize their wrongdoings. Arguing that no cheating occurred because it was done with a member of the same sex has no ground whatsoever. A monogamous marriage specifically promotes exclusive sexual relation between the couple alone without qualifying exceptions like same sex sexual relations.

Many who have gone through the experience of being cheated by their spouse through same sex infidelity swear by the indescribable feeling of pain in their discovery of the truth. For cheaters who are not really gays to start with, the cheated spouse sees the infidelity as a direct attack to their manhood or womanhood. It is indirectly saying that the spouse is not enough to satisfy the needs of the cheater that he/she has to find them in people of the same gender.

For cheaters who are actually gay or lesbian, making someone believe otherwise to enter into marriage is certainly an unfair proposition. Marrying someone and then continuing on with a homosexual relationship is twice the deceit of the usual infidelity. There is also greater reason to believe that the marriage was based on an ulterior motive such as having children for lesbians and keeping up a manly front for male gays. In our modern world, sexual orientation is no longer the key issue but rather in avoiding hurting others by virtue of our sexual orientation and preference.

Define a Cheat

A cheat is someone who deceives or defrauds another. In the context of marriage or any committed relationship, a cheat is someone who is sexually dishonest to the spouse by having sexual relations with another. In a wider scope, having emotional involvement with a member of the opposite sex aside from the legal spouse also makes a cheat.

Cheating connotes secrecy and whenever a spouse sees a need to hide anything from the other, there is a big possibility that the thing being hidden will hurt the partner. Spouses hide many things from each other in different aspects such as in finances, vices, work, and even special interests. The need to hide is a presumption that the partner will not approve of what is being done.

A cheating spouse need not ask if his/her spouse will approve of what he is doing. Marital infidelity has caused the break-up of so many marriages but such a fact has not prevented more infidelities to occur. We see people cheating on their partners in all walks and levels of life.

A cheat is not being fair to his/her partner by not being straightforward of his/her real intentions. Rather than seek a solution by taking with the spouse perceived to be at fault, the faithful spouse is given no chance to do better if the fault indeed lies on him/her. A systematic cheat is usually not concerned with addressing the problem but only perpetrating lies as long as possible.

The Funny Side of Cheating

Cheated spouses who are still undergoing the effects and consequences of infidelity would surely find nothing funny about spousal cheating. After all, what is so funny about being betrayed and lied to? Survivors of infidelity however, are more equipped to see such aspect especially after the worse is over and finally dealt with.

Have you ever considered the great lengths to which cheaters would go to just to successfully go through with their acts of infidelity? Theirs is literally an act of juggling activities, schedules, and reasoning to avoid detection. It is almost usual to see them doing things they wouldn't be caught doing under normal conditions.

Can you imagine a previously possessive man finding ways to provide entertainment to his wife without him? It is as if he is providing his wife a chance to find an affair. This is of course to allow him to attend to his own extramarital affair without interference. Isn't it funny how men can be "generous" as long as their own agenda is allowed to prosper?

The hide-and-seek situation of wives and mistresses or husbands and lovers is almost tragically comic in their execution. Lovers miraculously fit in unlikely places in trying to evade a legal spouse. Have you heard about the joke about the lover who froze to death when he chose to hide in the freezer with the unexpected early arrival of the husband? Has some tinges of truth in it , if you ask me...

If you think committing infidelity is stupid, you should see the works of a simultaneous cheater. It is almost a joy to see the inconveniences he has to go through. It is hard not to feel vindication when he is finally caught and the cheated spouses finally get their say. The laughter of those who recovered from the betrayal is a treasure worth anticipating by those who are currently experiencing the pain of spousal cheating.

Is Swinging Your Style?

Some couples who are into a monogamous marriage are putting their relationship to test by adopting a swingers' lifestyle. Swinging is essentially a non-monogamous behavior where partners agree as a couple to engage in sexual activities with other couples as a form of recreation or socialization. Most participating couples are introduced through swingers' clubs or websites that promote the swinging lifestyle.

Many couples have been encouraged to go into swinging in an attempt to add spice to their otherwise routine, if not boring sex life. Whether or not they will succeed in reviving their marriage or totally destroying it depends on the acceptability of the option to both parties. Forced participation dooms the option from the very start and will not serve any purpose but to widen the gap which is already existing between spouses.

Others have an idea that swinging can help prevent cheating in marriage. This thinking is based on the logic that spouses have no need to look for extra-marital relationships since both are giving each other approval to have sexual relations with others as long as they are done with the knowledge of the other. Cheating occurs in this set-up when a spouse decides to carry on with the sexual relations with a specific swinging partner without the consent of the legal spouse thereby creating an exclusive emotional attachment.

While most practicing swingers swear by the advantage of swinging in their lives, many have given up the practice because of recurring problems of jealousy and low self-esteem. There are also risks specific to non-monogamous sexual relationships such as getting sexually-transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Swingers clubs however, are quick to defend swinging as a safer option to get sexual activity outside marriage since most of them require STD testing and use of protection or contraception.

Who Does More Cheating - Men or Women?

Men have traditionally lorded it over when it comes to infidelity statistics. This fact has been largely attributed to the opportunities for cheating presented to them in the workplace as compared to women who mostly stayed at home to take care of the children and manage the household. With the equal career opportunities being currently given to both genders, women appear to be making a statement as well with regards to their participation in acts of infidelity.

While traditional statistical data would show an 80-20 ratio in favor of the men, more recent data tend to show that women's call for equality seem to be extending even to this aspect of living. A 55-45 ratio still in favor of the men shows how much times have changed given the very small difference. This just goes to show that anyone who believes he/she has reason to cheat and given the "right" opportunity to do so will cheat.

The marked difference in the way the respective genders carry out their infidelity is worth looking into. Men are more inclined towards serial cheating which is having successive or simultaneous affairs while married. Women on the other hand, are especially notorious with long-term affairs because of the usual emotional ties that develop.

So much has been said about why men cheat or why women cheat when we should be thinking about why do human beings cheat. We can come up with a long list of reasons, some valid and some are not but we would always end up looking into the main culprit which is unfulfilled need. The wedding is not the end of the work required in the marriage. In fact, it only signals the beginning of what would be a lifetime work to maintain and honor a commitment.

Needs can vary. They can be physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological or a combination of these. Every marriage is bound to reach a point where spousal needs are not being met. These needs have to be recognized and addressed between spouses and within the relationship. The solution is never found outside. Infidelity is palliative and will not provide the permanent solution to the problem.

The Unfaithful Wife

Husbands, are you positively sure that your wives are not cheating on you? Good for you if you are and woe to you if you're not. It is safe to presume that you are feeling something about your wife if you are doubtful of her fidelity. A word of caution though to those who feel sure of their wife's faithfulness for many men have found out the hard way that no one is absolutely safe from the temptation of infidelity. Yes, not even a quiet, unassuming wife...

If you were asked to picture in your a mind a cheating wife, you would probably form an image of a calculating and deceitful woman complete with all the physical trappings usually associated with women with loose morals. It is a well-known fact that a cheating wife comes in all forms - beautiful, not-so-beautiful, rich, poor, highly educated, uneducated, young, old, happily married, or unhappily married. A cheating woman can be your sister, your friend, your boss, your neighbor, your church leader, or your wife. There is nothing that can prevent a woman who believes she has just cause to cheat from committing acts of infidelity under the "right" circumstances.

There are a number of reasons why wives become unfaithful to their husbands. The number one reason is the need for emotional connection which they cannot get from their respective spouses. Sex is generally a secondary consideration for most cheating women. A fulfilling sex life usually becomes the icing on the cake for an emotionally established relationship that has managed to address a need or want lacking from the marriage.

As beings ruled predominantly by emotions, women seek affirmation, support, and encouragement from their spouses. A marriage is not deemed successful without them even in the midst of financial wealth and affluence. Wives need to be recognized for their contribution to the marriage. When a husband consistently makes the woman feel useless or of minor importance, the wife might find the recognition elsewhere, specifically in the arms of another man. An affair can easily develop when a husband neglects to give time and attention to his wife, especially when she has so much time in her hands away from her husband.

Cheating wives who pursue affairs for the thrill it offers are many. Psychologists see the unlimited opportunities given to women to assume positions of control and financial freedom as part of the reasons why the number of cheating wives continue to increase. Since these same opportunities have been traditionally offered only to men, the male gender has established early on its reputation for cheating. Clearly, infidelity depends on opportunity.

Making Excuses for the Cheat

We have seen far too many cases of cheating in our lifetime to know that there are people who have been betrayed by their loved ones for another and yet make excuses for the actions of the cheater. Victims of infidelity may be our friend, our relative, our co-worker, or our neighbor. Among them, there is bound to be someone who will put no fault on his/her cheating partner to the extent of even taking the blame for it.

What is very difficult to accept as a mere onlooker is the seemingly unlimited capacity of these people to repeatedly forgive a perennially unfaithful spouse. We see them either as martyrs or plain stupid for allowing someone to continuously subject them to such derogatory pain. It can be very hard to believe that anyone could accept the truth of a loved one's unabated cheating with utmost resignation while evidently undergoing extreme pain because of the spouse's actions.

People who make excuses for the unfaithful acts of their partners might just be thinking that there will be no one else for them if and when they decide to recognize cheating for what it really is - a violation of trust in marriage. Once the fault is seen as it should be seen, cheated spouses know that they may be tempted to leave thus many choose to overlook the obvious fact of the fault of the cheater. No one should allow themselves to be abused by repeated cheating for to do so will initiate a person's lonely journey to a mere doormat.

Unless real faults are reckoned with, marriages have no way to go but downhill. Infidelity has to be recognized as a fault that can be prevented by the one committing it if he/she truly desires it. If there is one fault that cheated spouses should not commit is that of allowing infidelity to dictate the state of their relationships with their respective cheating spouses. It is unreasonable to expect fidelity where infidelity is allowed to prosper by looking the other way.

When Wife and Mistress Take The Same Side

In what part of the universe can a cheated wife and her husband's mistress take the same side against the cheating husband? Although generally believed as highly unlikely to happen, this impossibility can indeed come true. This is when these two women find out that they are both being lied to by the same man.

The cheated wife can be the typical trusting spouse who allows her husband a reasonable amount of freedom and leeway in the relationship. The mistress on the other hand, can also be the equally trusting woman who have no idea whatsoever of her status as the other woman in her man's life. The time spent away from both of them to be with the other have been strategically explained by the cheating man to their mutual satisfaction. Everything seems to be going as planned by the man. The only problem that remains is when the women find out about his infidelity.

Remember the saying: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Hell indeed may break loose when these two cheated women connive and take revenge. After enjoying the convenience of having two women attending to his needs, he'll be lucky to end up with one after the confrontation.

There are many cases that have been reported of physical violence inflicted on the cheating man. Some have been subjected to humiliating situations which are not easily forgotten. Others who are luckier just have to contend with an angry wife and a lost mistress.

Most often than not, it is the cheated wife who remains to stand by her husband's side after all the anger and shock have died down. This is quite natural because of their legal relationship which is not automatically terminated with an illicit act of one. A mistress who previously didn't know of her status as the other woman usually decides to leave since she never signed up for such a position in the first place. She knows she is better off without him to be able to start anew. Whatever these two women eventually decide to do, they are one in saying that they cannot be both wives to the same man.