Love and Infidelity

What has love or the lack of it got to do with infidelity?

There are people who say: "If you really love me, you will never cheat on me."

These are the people who believe in absoluteness, no ifs and buts. Perfect love is equated with complete faithfulness regardless of the situation and circumstances. They will find it impossible to forgive a cheating spouse when the betrayal destroyed the illusion of perfect love.

There are those who say: "If you love me, you will forgive me if I cheat."

These are people who presume that their spouse owe it to them to forgive all their faults. They think their partners should be able to understand their weakness and accept them for who they are. These are people who love only themselves and will never understand how much their infidelity hurts their partners.

A lot of cheaters have been heard saying: " I love my wife but I can't help myself from cheating on her."

These are the people who see infidelity as a purely physical or sexual arrangement. They believe that they are able to separate the act from the emotion, not realizing that others cannot necessarily do the same and thus experience pain. They will continuously cheat on their spouses but will not be willing to permanently cut the ties by separating.

A good number of cheated people have been heard saying as well: "Because I love my spouse, I will forgive him/her for cheating on me."

These people are either genuinely in love with their cheating spouses or feel that it is their duty and obligation to stand by them whatever happens. These people can have it both ways depending on the erring spouse. If the cheating spouse is truly repentant, the readiness of the cheated spouse to forgive and accept makes reconciliation a lot easier. For spouses who have the misfortune of being married to abusive serial cheaters, they can expect to be doing the forgiving act a lot and will find themselves miserable the rest their lives.

While love has often been used to threaten cheaters by withholding it, it can also be used by cheaters to perpetrate abuse in a relationship. The funny thing here is that love doesn't even appear in the equation when people cheat. Cheating is usually about an opportunity and taking advantage of it.

But oh, let's not forget the people who say : "I cheated my spouse because I love my lover!"

Oh well, people never run out of reasons anyway...

The Tragedy of Infidelity

To say that infidelity is a tragedy in marriage is to speak the truth for how can one say otherwise when the proofs are clearly in sight.

The man and woman who were once so in love they can barely take their eyes off each other can now barely look at each other without disgust and anger.

The couple who said yes to stay together forever on their wedding day are now in court battling it out for alimony, child custody and support, and segregation of property.

The excited father who lifted his children in his arms is now with another woman with their own children, leaving the original children to wonder what they did to make their father leave them and their mother.

The responsible mother who took care of the family's day to day needs barely peeks at the children after declaring her independence and her need to be happy which she found in the arms of another man.

The children who were the picture of joy and contentment now either appears withdrawn or angry, unable to understand why they parents can no longer be together and had to go back and forth to be with their mother or father who each have new partners.

The home that was the epitome of heaven on earth now feels like the hottest place in hell, a war zone that can explode at the slightest provocation.

The tragedy lies in the fact that there existed a relationship that for a time held promise for two people until one decided he/she no longer wants to honor the marriage because he/she has found another. It is a real tragedy to see them hurting each other for reasons that could have been avoided if only the cheater cared enough to say no to temptation or if the cheated cared enough to fight for the relationship. The tragedy of it all is that once again, infidelity defeated marriage.

Not Love, Only Need

A man who cheats on his wife does not automatically mean less love for the wife and more love for the other woman. Many cheating men attest to this. They can go as far as proclaiming that sexual activity outside marriage only serves the purpose of fulfilling manly physical needs and love has nothing to do about it at all.

Is there any truth to this claim? And if there is, should it comfort the cheated wife in any way? Can a wife separate the physical from the emotional aspect of sexual relation and say that it is alright after all for the man to cheat because that is the way man was created?

If a man was meant to cheat because it is his nature to do so, then it follows that faithful men are less manly. Anyone in the right state of mind knows that this isn't so. It is simply funny that erring husbands would be the ones to claim possession of manhood when faithful ones have more moral ground to claim it.

The whole male specie does not deserve to be branded as natural cheaters. Many husbands honor their promise to their wives not because they have lesser physical needs but because they decide to rise above common expectation. Having sexual relations outside a committed relationship such as marriage and expecting to be understood for it for manly reasons is just a lame excuse to cover a personal weakness and not a gender weakness. Let every man's action speak for itself.

Living with the Lie

When we want something so badly, we sometimes accept things we shouldn't allow to happen. Take for example in marriage, we desperately want to believe that a spouse's cheating ways will not be able to break our marriage. We live with the lie and look the other way.

Infidelity destroys marriage even if we don't say so. It can do its work in stealth mode and still unleash its venom. It doesn't even need to be proven to destroy doubting spouses. The doubts and suspicions will eventually takes its toll even on faithful spouses who are always ready to believe on the good side of their spouses. When cheating is perpetrated continuously, it will do its harm whether the spouses like it or not.

Many cheated spouses tap on their superhuman strength and determination to steel themselves against the onslaught of betrayal. They hold on to the dream that their cheating spouses will eventually find their way back to them and totally forget about the other man or woman that has caused them to stray.

In the meantime, they hold on to the fort of marriage by acting like a loyal spouse would. They would make the necessary excuses for their cheating spouses in front of their children, their relatives, and their friends. Some are miraculously rewarded for their gallant efforts when a cheating spouse reforms but many end up living with the lie of infidelity for the rest of their married life.

Obsessing About the Other Woman

It is natural for a wife to want to know the competition. Knowing the other woman is said to equip the wife with the weapons needed to win back the affection of the cheating husband. This is true to a certain degree because knowing what made the mistress attractive in the eyes of the man of their common affection could hold the key in discovering the reason behind the infidelity which could hopefully lead to the solution for the marital problem.

Wanting to know more about the other woman could easily lead to obsession especially if the affair has managed to totally alienate the affections of the husband for the legal wife. For a wife who feels that she is about to lose or has lost her husband to another woman, there is a compelling need to identify the woman who dares or has dared to steal her husband. Many cheated wives will not meekly wait for their husbands' "return" but would fight all the way for the man of their lives.

What does she look like? Where does she live? Is she married? Does she have children? Is she working and if she is, where? There are so many questions to be answered, some of which can only be answered through private investigation. Most of the time, the cheated wife seeks these information without even knowing what to do with them. Some even go the extremes of stalking the other woman, repeatedly confronting her or threatening her for carrying on an affair with her husband.

While these may be recognized as spontaneous actions of a wife in pain, continued obsession on the other woman is not healthy for the cheated wife. In fact, instead of convincing the husband to return to her, the semblance of the wife's desperation drives him further away straight into the arms of the other woman. Also, obsession is a very self-destructive reaction to infidelity as the aggrieved spouse allows the mistress of his cheating husband to have power over her when there should be none.

When it is evident that the husband is a lost cause, the cheated wife must learn to let go. Unless she does, her life will always revolve around the infidelity and desertion. There is life after a cheating spouse and the faithful wife should not allow her life to stop while others continue to live theirs.

Never Lie To Me

If given a choice, I wouldn't want to know of my spouse's past infidelity specifically if it has long been over. The belated confession does not serve any purpose but to clear my cheating spouse's conscience and hurt me. Personally, I would rather that he carry the burden alone so that he gets punished without my involvement. In short, I'd rather that he lie to me forever about that particular infidelity and make sure that I never get to know of it - ever.

I say this mainly because of the need for self-preservation. I wouldn't want to be imagining the intimacy that occurred between my husband and another woman. It would just be too devastating and I'm afraid that I would have to leave him.

Cheating that is still happening is an entirely different ballgame. I would like to know the truth because I deserve to have the chance to make my own decisions based on such infidelity. This is particularly important if the affair has been going on for some time because it shows that a connection has been established and that is unfair to me. I will find it hard to forgive a single unfaithful act and I seriously doubt my capability to even think of forgiving several unfaithful acts. I have a feeling that I will leave him just the same for telling me.

This is why I say to him, lie to me if you can, as long as you can, because I cannot accept such betrayal. Better yet, I'd rather tell him, never lie to me and never be unfaithful to me and I'd never leave. Such is my position and that is non-negotiable.

The Vicious Cycle of Infidelity

A married couple can go through several episodes of infidelity by one or both. The violation of trust can be so repetitive that it becomes a vicious cycle of betrayal, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Unless the situation is effectively resolved, infidelity becomes a form of abusing the cheated spouse over and over again.

The scene is very familiar. A couple starts out so in love they hardly go anywhere without the other. When disillusionment starts to set in, one becomes vulnerable to cheating and cheats. Depending on how the affair works out, the cheater can come back to the faithful spouse after a number of days,weeks, months or years. The cheated spouse forgives the erring spouse and the two reconcile. After some time, the cycle is repeated. Pregnancy can occur within this recurring cycle, increasing the number of people directly affected in the process.

There area number of reasons why someone who has been repeatedly lied to due to infidelity will choose to go through the cycle rather than leave. Concern for the welfare of the children is one reason why the vicious cycle of infidelity is chosen over the more logical option of separation. It is logical in the sense that repetitive cheating does not manifest much hope for long-term reconciliation which is necessary to rehabilitate a failing marriage.

Marriage will not stand a chance unless the cycle is broken. Cheaters can break the cycle of inflicting pain to the spouse while faithful spouses can break the cycle of accepting this kind of abuse from cheaters. A cycle has no end so it will be up to the people who are affected to get out of it.

Unsilenced Doubts

Many women who have previously caught their boyfriends cheating on them go on to marry the cheater in the hope that marriage will ensure conversion towards faithfulness. In spite of an inner voice that says not to, they just had to go on and take the chance. The interesting part here is that some women are aware that their boyfriends have existing relationships with other women at the time of marriage and yet believe that everything will go away once their marriage is legalized.

The wedding appears to be a representation of legal right over a man against all other women laying claim to his affection. There is a belief or a longing that everything will turn out all right in the end after the struggles of a relationship, much like a fairytale. This expectation rarely happens in real life as unsilenced doubts continue to haunt a woman even in marriage.

There is absolutely no basis for the proposition that a marriage will stop cheating or infidelity. In fact, maternal responsibilities of a woman can effectively limit her movements with regards to keeping track of her spouse's womanizing ways. Cheating husbands will also find all kinds of justification to be unfaithful.

It is unrealistic to expect a known cheater to magically change overnight because of a wedding ceremony. Hopes of growing together in marriage may not have any foundation to lean on. Wedding jitters is not the same as entertaining serious doubts about entering into marriage with a particular person. Serious doubts that focus on the prospective lifetime partner have reasons and are not merely caused by some bout of nervousness of venturing into the unknown. If you seriously doubt the fidelity of your would be-spouse, don't expect the doubts to be silenced by marriage.

Is It Cheating If ...?

It can be very hard to believe that one person wouldn't know that he/she is guilty of marital cheating. We will notice in daily columns tackling personal relationships, numerous questions seeking the analysis of whether or not a certain act or acts they did constitute being untrue to their partner. I have a feeling that they know the answer to their own questions and they are merely asking either to reinforce their belief or hopefully find a justification or an ally.

The question: Is it cheating if ...?

Let us attempt to find the answer to that question.

Is it cheating if I look at attractive men? Is it cheating if I flirt mildly with women at my office? Is it cheating if I try to look more attractive especially in front of my boss? Well, everyone would have to agree that these acts hardly constitute infidelity but we all know that they can be precursors to actual cheating.

Is it cheating if I try to get to know an attractive man better? Is it cheating if I engage in sexual innuendos with my co-workers? Is it cheating if I make suggestive moves while seeking familiarity with my superiors? These are NOT YET acts of infidelity but these people are definitely walking on dangerous grounds.

Is a one-night stand with absolutely no emotions involved considered cheating? Is confiding marital and intimate details to a special friend of the opposite sex in the office cheating? Is having a sexual relationship with my boss cheating even if I am only doing it for career gain which will eventually benefit my husband and my children? These are clear acts of infidelity because they all violate the trust that should exist in any committed relationship such as marriage.

What is the underlying motive of engaging someone in an emotional attachment, of trying to be more attractive to a particular person who is not the spouse, and of trying to separate the physical and emotional aspects of the sexual act? We define cheating by the motives and the acts that follow. If they undermine the value of the relationship in any way, you can be sure that what you are doing is cheating.

Yes, Cheating Happens in "Good" Marriages

Good marriages are not exactly problem-free. They pass off as good because they are able to surpass challenges and come out better in spite of them. They are not however immune to the dangers of infidelity because like any other human being, the people in them are subject to the pitfalls of human weaknesses.

There are infidelity in marriages that shock us because it is almost unbelievable to discover that men and women we hold in high esteem lead other lives that are not as respectable. These people are often recognized by peers and the community thus possessing an enviable public image that denotes high moral standards. They are in a marriage that is only perceived to be good because they have taken specific steps to make such a representation. In reality, there may be a long-suffering spouse trying to keep up an image with no option but to help in covering up the cheating spouse's misdeeds.

How about the infidelity that happens in genuinely good marriages? This is a marriage where the couple seemed to have worked-out just about every aspect of their relationship. They sincerely love each other and would not wish any form of pain or harm to the other. They enjoy being with each other and have long-term plans leading to forever.

And then one day, one of them cheated...

Cheaters in a good marriage should be able to accept that they have committed a mistake and therefore have the responsibility to make truthful amends to their aggrieved partners. Cheated spouses on the other hand, must be willing to give the chance. A good marriage recognizes the possibility that anyone can stumble along the way and the other would be willing to extend a hand. A good marriage is a tall order that is why there are so few.

Incestuous Infidelity

There is another side to infidelity that can make it more disturbing than others. A cheating man or woman who chooses a relation by blood or marriage as an extramarital affair partner is said to be in an incestuous illicit relationship. There is a much deeper implication of unfaithfulness in this context because of the close relationship between personalities involved.

Incest is defined as a sexual relation between people related by blood, marriage, and other legal processes such as adoption. The degree of prohibited relationships may vary between countries and cultures. The essence however of the prohibition is basically the same.

Aside from the moral aspect of incest, the prohibition stands on medical findings that the probability of birth defects in offsprings of incestuous relationships is much higher than those produced by unrelated marriage partners. There are certain efforts by some to distinguish incestuous relationships between two consenting adults although the general belief that it does not constitute much difference remains the same. The most destructive aspect of incest is when it is used as a form of sexual abuse.

This is most often seen when a parent coerces a child to participate in a sexual relationship. Some cheaters who do not wish to bring their inclination outside their homes zero in on the weakness of a child to get what they want. Spouses of cheaters involved in incestuous infidelity have a bigger problem than most victims of spousal cheating. In addition to coping with the personal hurt of the unfaithful act itself, they would have to face the additional burden of protecting the rights of a child and the difficult task of recovery for both of them.

Make Your Ex Regret Cheating on You

When your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend cheated on you and left you for another woman, you may not want him back but you would certainly want him to regret what he did. Call it a need to get even or the need to prove your worth, but it definitely feels good to see him acknowledging his mistake and wanting you back. Before you get to enjoy the chase after undergoing so much pain, you will need to take a hard look on yourself and see what you can do to make yourself feel and look better.

Let's face it, a cheated wife with zero confidence has nothing much to look forward to especially if she allows herself to deteriorate in looks and outlook in life. The single life-changing decision a cheated woman can do is to take better care of herself. You may feel ugly and spent after the betrayal but that doesn't mean you are. In order for other people to see the good in you and how attractive you really are, you must allow yourself to come out of the shadow of depression and loneliness.

Confidence naturally comes from knowing that you feel and look good inside and out. Do not underestimate the power of a sensible makeover to give you just the right nudge towards the right direction. Pursue your interrupted ambitions and interests prior to getting married or find new ones more applicable to your present state. Indulge in things that make you happy in the constructive sense since happiness of the destructive nature are fleeting and counterproductive.

Your ex will regret cheating on you when he sees the new you. He might even wonder what made him stray in the first place. You just have to remember that you have a choice whether to take him back or not if he again shows interest in you. Never again forget however that the new you need not be relegated to the background ever again.

Inappropriate Behavior for Married People

Behavioral actuations expected from married people are not always written. Its many aspects are often implied and dictated by certain moral and ethical standards. We know a certain behavior is wrong when we see it, when we feel it and no words or explanation can say otherwise.

Going out on a date is expected from single people and definitely frowned at when done by married people unless it is a date with the spouse. Flirting with a member of the opposite sex is fun and thrilling for unattached people but very dangerous for married people. Cultivating exclusive emotional attachments with a member of the opposite sex is a prelude to a relationship for uncommitted people but to people who are already married , it is an invitation for spousal infidelity to enter the picture.

Married people do not really need to be given a detailed list of what can be or cannot be done. Essentially, what one finds unacceptable to be done to oneself is likewise unacceptable to be done to the spouse. Thus, if you find something makes you jealous and suspicious, it is a good bet that your spouse will feel the same if you do it.

Married people can save themselves and their respective spouses a lot of heartaches by being more sensitive to each other's feelings. Doubts and suspicions rarely develop overnight and are often a result of several related events instead of a single instance except when actions are glaringly inappropriate. In our world where a single's life is different from a married person's life, we are expected to act accordingly.

The Truth Behind An Unintentional Affair

"I never meant to do it, it just happened," so goes the typical explanation of a cheater. Can an affair be unintentional, accidental even? Many cheaters swear that this is exactly what happened to them. They didn't go out to look for it and yet they found it or it found them.

What we often term as unintentional or accidental is actually the expected result when people place themselves in certain situations. It may be a fact that a man or woman engages in social activities with members of the opposite sex without any intention of cheating a spouse. Socializing after all is part of a well-rounded life. What a person should be on the particular look-out for is not socializing per se but the inclination to develop exclusivity in zeroing in attention to a particular person.

It starts out simply enough - a spark of interest, excitement over seeing the other person, preference in being paired with one particular person in group activities, and many other seemingly innocent indulgences. To the people concerned, their world has become more exciting than usual and they enjoy it. It is only up to this point however that a cheater can claim the lack of intent to cheat for taking the excitement a notch higher is clearly courting trouble.

Once another man or woman comes in the middle of the marriage, the intentions are very clear. The prospective cheater who sacrifices time for his/her spouse to be available to the prospective third party in the guise of an important personal or work-related event is setting the stage for infidelity. Granting that no person can choose what he/she can feel about a certain person, a person has the freedom to choose whether to act on such feelings or not. Married people obviously do not have a choice but the problem is, some think they do.

Admiration or attraction may take anyone by surprise. Infidelity when applied on one's self comes with fair warning. You know what your are thinking and what you are feeling. Where you decide to bring such thoughts and feelings is up to you. Please just don't say that you didn't mean to do it.

The End of An Affair

What signals the end of an affair? Is it the waning excitement for the lover? Is it the feeling of guilt that has finally been recognized? Or is it the engulfing need to confess infidelity to the spouse? When a cheating spouse starts contemplating about the effects of his/her unfaithfulness, this is usually the time when ending an affair is being considered.

A cheating spouse who is lost in his/her own world with the lover is unable to feel for others. It is only about himself/herself. Not even the pain felt by the legal spouse or the children matters at this time when everything is centered on self-gratification. The justification of having the right to be happy is heard like a refrain from songs.

No one knows exactly when it will happen but the time when "sanity" is restored will come. All of a sudden, a cheater feels tired of the instability of extramarital relationships and pine for the comfort of marriage. The unpredictability of the lover which used to create much excitement has become very exhausting and the need to feel the constancy of a dependable spouse is very real. The alienation from family and friends resulting from infidelity can be too much to bear especially when one feels like a stranger among the lover's own circle of family and friends.

The fun is over, what now? Most cheaters will find themselves crawling back to their spouse and family. Fortunate are the ones who are forgiven and accepted right away. For the less fortunate ones, lessons will be learned the hard way when they are forced to work to gain back their family's trust and affection.

So Typically Male, So Typically Female

In the subject of infidelity, there are gender-specific behavior and thinking that can be observed as being poles apart. The marked difference in interpretation, reaction, and significance is largely responsible for the widening rift between the opposing genders when faced with infidelity. Each has his/her own idea about spousal cheating and almost always, they are not on the same level of thinking.

Male cheaters usually defend their cheating as nothing while women view them as everything. The interesting part here is that most men engage in extra-marital sex devoid of any romantic emotions thus the term : "it was nothing". To many men, a one night stand is simply that. A cheated wife will see this act of cheating as a threat to everything the couple has worked for in the marriage. Cheating is one act that undermines everything about the relationship. So here we have nothing vs. everything.

When men lie about their cheating, they see it as a form of protection for the family. Women see it as a form of perpetrating a betrayal. Non-confession of infidelity is often seen by cheating men as a sincere effort to spare the family from hurt and pain. Women see non-confession as a cover-up to prolong the affair. Here, we are facing protection vs. betrayal.

When women cheat, they believe they are in love with their lovers because of the strong emotions involved. Cheating husbands hop into the beds of their affair partners with nary a thought about romance, knowing fully well that they do so for the satisfaction of some carnal desire and nothing else. This is the reason why a long-standing affair should be more cause of worry for the faithful wife because time represents attachments. This time, the issue is about the perception of emotions involved.

Realizing how different genders look at infidelity, it is easier to understand why it is such a complex subject. Even the presumed non-contentious aspect that infidelity does cause pain is being appealed my male cheaters who are unable to understand its emotional consequences. Female cheaters on the other hand, are so preoccupied with being in love with love that it is so hard to convince them otherwise. So typically male, so typically female.

Mission: Destroy Happy Marriages

Is it possible for a woman to feel so destroyed by a husband's betrayal that she would gain satisfaction from wrecking havoc on other people's marriages by being the other woman? She translates the envy and anger she feels into malicious acts that create doubt and suspicion in happy marriages. She doesn't even have to be particularly attracted to the man because her interest lies in making everyone else as miserable as she is. She thinks she is entitled to it because of the pain she has not stopped feeling since the betrayal.

Her main choice criteria: a married man who is willing to give up everything for her.

Her signature touch: drop the man like a hot potato after having successfully wrecked the marriage.

Her next move: find another (happily) married man to lure into her trap and continue the cycle.

Women documented to behave in a similar destructive manner usually have prior records of abuse from male members of the family such as the father or brother, as well persons of authority such as an employer. A husband's betrayal is seen as the last straw that finally broke the camel's back which sealed her belief that men do not deserve to be happy. Her revenge is focused on anyone who dares to be happy when she is not.

Clearly, this behavior has a deep psychological undercurrent that is not easy to resolve. The excessive pain she may have felt has completely clouded her judgment and nothing can stop her mission of destroying happy marriages. Though her action is not in any way to be tolerated, such extreme results in behavior should be food for thought for the man who don't think twice about betraying the woman who has given so much of herself to him because it is possible to hurt someone so much that she will strike back whoever gets hurt.

Infidelity Urban Legend

The story of the revengeful bride or groom exposing the other's act of infidelity on the very day of their wedding has been making the rounds for some time. It had been told over and over again with some claiming to have been at the actual wedding or at least know someone who was there. Until today, the story has never been confirmed thus it remains an urban legend.

Essentially, the story says that a bride or groom (depending on the version) finds out about the other's infidelity involving the best man or the maid-of-honor. The aggrieved party decides to take revenge on the wedding day by exposing the cheats in front of the guests. While the story of the aggrieved bride ends with her shoving her bouquet of flowers on the groom's face and then walking out after announcing the infidelity to the guests, the aggrieved groom makes it more graphic by providing the guests with pictures of the bride and the best man having sex. He then lets the bride's parents take care of the huge bill and then files for divorce.

But why the interest in this kind of story? The story for one has everything in it that makes all those TV soap operas very addicting. There is the protagonist, the antagonist, love, betrayal, revenge, and justice. These are the elements that make up a story that people would like to see through the end if only to have the satisfaction of seeing bad people get what they deserve.

This just goes to show that people basically seek justice that is why it was so easy to identify with the pain and the triumph of revenge of the aggrieved party. It didn't matter if the story involved real people since it represented circumstances that are really happening. Whether this story happened or not, the tale of retribution may just be too hard to pass up and so we listen one more time...

Till Infidelity Do Us Part

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

So goes the usual marriage vows taken by newlyweds when they decide to start spending the rest of their lives together, but parting for many came way ahead of death. Many marriages encountered challenges and never recovered. One of the main culprits is marital infidelity.

With the rising trend of people opting to escape a marriage at the slightest inconvenience, marriages are no longer given the same opportunity to survive as before. Lapses in behavior, appearance, and everyday abilities are being used as reasons to look for another. For many, it is time to find a better partner when the spouse fails to live up to expectations. The process becomes painfully similar to discarding old possessions that no longer serve their purpose.

Marriages after infidelity are never the same. Couples are forced to reckon with sustained instability brought about by a lost sense of trust. Failure to find the working middle-ground between reconciling couples opens up the possibility of divorce. Many uttered the same marital vows and never thought that infidelity would cause them to part ways with their partners.

The marital vow reminds us that marriage will not always be happy and smooth as it mentions extreme conditions that could put any relationship to the real test. Having a cheating spouse will probably fall under the "worse" part but can be overcome when truthfully desired by both concerned. The willingness to work together against all possible obstacles in marriage is the only thing that can assure that a couple fulfills their vow to separate only because of death.

The Power of Observation

In a doubtful spouse's quest to find out the truth about a partner's faithfulness or unfaithfulness, there is one particular area where he/she can concentrate on. It requires no high costs and expenses but it does require time and effort. This is the keen ability to observe the changes happening to a cheating partner.

Cheaters normally have a ready cover for the obvious so the areas of special interest here are those that may appear unimportant or irrelevant. Experience would show that a great number of cheaters have been caught not by monumental discoveries but in all small slip-ups like words used, smell, a single telephone call, a look , or even a receipt. These small things matter much when interrelated with a nagging suspicion especially when collaborated unknowingly by seemingly innocent talks with family members and friends.

An out-of-town seminar of a spouse can be confirmed by participating in small talks with spouses of the suspect cheater's co-workers. A quick phone call in guise of a family social call can be made to a brother-in-law who was supposed to be a husband's companion in a recent late night-out. A surprise visit in work to a spouse can come in the form of a spontaneous desire for a romantic lunch date instead of an investigative effort to observe the spouse's behavior in the workplace.

Since cheaters generally do not admit anything unless absolutely cornered with evidence, the answers they provide to queries as to their whereabouts, destinations, companions, and time schedules have to be considered for what they are - possible points on which to start a personal investigation. Doubtful spouses should be ready not to get their answers straight from the cheater's mouth because voluntary confessions rarely happen. Cheaters can be beaten at their own game of secrecy by observant spouses who know their spouses way better than themselves.

Why Your Wife Wants to Be More Attractive Than Usual

Women are basically vain, meaning they want to look good which is perfectly normal. There is a belief that a special glow emanates from them when a man serves as an inspiration. Husbands would like to feel that they are responsible for such glow but what if another man is providing the inspiration? Let us dig deeper...

There is nothing surprising about a woman paying much attention to her physical appearance especially if she has been that way all along. Many women tend to relax on this aspect, some way too much for their husbands' taste, turning off whatever passion they have left for the woman they married. It can be caused by many things like pressure at home and in work, childbirth, or age.

A woman who suddenly takes great pains in looking more attractive than usual after neglecting her looks for a long while, is something that ought to be welcomed by a spouse. It is certainly a welcome development for a long-time marriage in need of some revitalizing element. In fact, the husband can use it as an opportunity to start taking more notice of his own physical appearance which may also be long overdue.

But what if your wife's efforts towards improving herself has another target? You can verify this yourself if you have reason to believe that there is something that needs to be looked into further. Does her new-found interest in her looks come with disturbing signs like frequent night outs with "friends", lingerie that she hasn't used in your own bedroom, an unusual new hobby or recreational activity, or unexplained telephone calls answered in hushed tones? Does she exhibit lack of interest in engaging in sex or does she appear to be avoiding any form of intimacy with you? Does her mind seem to be wandering off somewhere even if she is at home? Has she been particularly neglectful of her usual responsibilities as a spouse and as a mother?

If your wife manifests any, some or all of these signs, chances are your wife is making herself attractive for another man. A faithful wife who has found new reason to take care of herself better naturally extends the benefit to her family. If she is clearly going the other way, you need to confirm it and act on it as required by circumstances.

Infidelity Aftermath

What exactly happens between spouses after the initial discovery of infidelity? Will it be characterized by violent confrontation or quiet acceptance? The most common reaction of cheated spouses is somewhere in between or a combination of both as affected couples go through the different phases of recovery.

The initial stage is typically the most volatile where aggrieved spouses go through a roller-coaster of emotions ranging from anger to depression. Many cheated spouses cannot even bear to look at their cheating spouses without being engulfed by strong emotions that are very difficult to handle. Cheating spouses for their part may find themselves at a loss at how to conduct themselves, not being fully prepared for the mess they have created.

It is quite possible that cheaters do not realize the impact of their actions until they are seeing for themselves the effect marital infidelity has on their families. Before getting caught, they may be under the illusion that the thrill and excitement will have no end. Regrets never come before a mistake and when it comes, it is often too late to go back.

There are consequences to every action and decision people take. The aftermath of infidelity is one of the most difficult times for any committed relationship. During this time, many cheaters wish to undo what has been done which everyone knows is impossible. In the face of great temptation to cheat on one's spouse, it is always an effective wake-up call to imagine the probable consequences to determine if one can live with them.

Deceitful Virtual Daters

The virtual dating format has been developed primarily to allow single people to meet and mingle for the purpose of finding potential romantic matches. Although many participate just to engage in innovative social interaction, a large number of dating sites' membership hope to get lucky and find that elusive special someone. For people who are intent on developing serious relationships out of their online interaction, more reasons exist for them to protect themselves.

The fact that a dating site has been clearly promoted and operated for singles has not completely discouraged married people from joining and misrepresenting themselves as romantically available. Like in all other virtual worlds, not everything being said is the truth. Personalities totally opposite to the real person have been created and let loose online to victimize unknowing participants.

Married people who misrepresent themselves as singles are cheating on their spouses and deceiving other online daters. It is true that many dating sites now already offer their services primarily to married people. It offers a "better" option since daters enter the arena fully aware of each other's relationship limitations. Offering one's availability in a singles' site without fully disclosing real marital status is unfair to other daters who are seeking meaningful and permanent relationships.

One of the reasons why most online daters prefer the virtual date option is to avoid wasting time in meeting the wrong kind of people according to their personal standards and preferences. Being misled by a supposedly single online dater is truly a waste of time and energy on the part of those who present themselves as they really are. With the wider options offered by dating sites even to married people at this time and age, it is highly suspicious for cheating spouses to insist on perpetrating their lies on unknowing people.

Cheating Moments

When we think of cheating, we only usually consider instances where actual illicit sexual relation has taken placed. We never stop to think of those moments of preparation that brought us to the highest point of infidelity. In reality, infidelity includes those moments where our thoughts are on other man or woman besides our spouse, allowing the temptation to take over and bring us further away from what is deemed as right and proper in our situation.

Cheating moments have their special allure that can be very hard to resist when they come our way. The feeling of being attractive, of being wanted, and of being needed are overpowering needs especially to a lonely person. Loneliness pervades even in marriage which makes many married people vulnerable to the temptation.

Cheating is often used as an escape from the hard realities presented by married life. When we make ourselves available to opportunities for cheating even without any real intention to do it, we set up ourselves for the trap that awaits. Once in, very few are able to come out unscathed.

Conversations, gestures, and emotions that have clearly passed the stage of innocent friendship are preludes to full-blown infidelity. Spending excessive time and effort on a member of the opposite sex at the cost of the stability of the marriage is considered cheating because the spouse participating in it is effectively cheating the legal spouse of the time and effort that was meant for him/her. Cheating moments sometimes disguise themselves as friendly concern for another or having harmless "clean" fun with a co-worker. A definite alarm should be sounded off when these are purposely being hidden from the unknowing spouse. Where there is guilt, there is a tendency for secrecy.

Infidelity and Famous People

Spousal infidelity creates a scandal no matter what but it is magnified many times over when famous people are involved. Their popularity usually works against them in this situation as they are subjected to more public scrutiny. A very few people undergoing marital troubles would appreciate having their affairs pushed into the spotlight. Most of the time however, the public refuses to let up the pressure on famous people as it tries to dig up just about every detail of an extramarital affair as well as the marital confrontation.

By now, everyone has become familiar in how the press usually bleeds to death stories of infidelity scandals that involve celebrities. Reporters provide a blow-by-blow account of the cheating saga, often through pieces of information provided by people who have something to say about the story. The incredulous part of it is that almost everyone has something to say, even those that have never personally known the people involved. This is probably the price of being known.

The effect of an infidelity scandal on a celebrity does not only involve his/her personal life. It extends to his/her career, typically in a detrimental way. This is usually true for personalities who have made their mark with wholesome images, family-oriented shows and products, as well as positions that require honesty and integrity. In the case of the entertainment and sports personalities, the first ones to go are the lucrative product endorsements while politicians caught cheating on their spouses usually lose their political clout and support. Famous personalities caught cheating on their spouses may suddenly experience scarceness in friends especially if such "friends" are career-related.

The cheated spouse and the children may also be plagued by nosy people to the point of invading their privacy. This is particularly hard for innocent children who already have to face daily the consequences of their parent's act. The public's preoccupation with scandals involving famous people is largely attributed to the need for a sense of equalization when people who are perceived to be in a more advantageous positions are not exempted from the problems experienced by "regular" people.

Catch Me If You Can

Some cheaters are so downright cocky with their unfaithfulness as if sending a message to their spouses to catch them if they can. All their actions do not pretend to hide something. The only thing missing is an outright confession to the cheated spouse.

When a cheater's act is like a plea to get caught, it makes one wonder why there is a need for secrecy at all. Well for one, there is a certain thrill in secrecy which many bored spouses would find desirable. If the lack of excitement in marriage is the primary problem, cheating admittedly fills in the void.

Obvious cheating begs for attention from the partner. It is a common thought to consider doing something extreme as infidelity to "shock" the partner into providing the much-needed attention. Actually doing it is an entirely different thing because of the negative consequences associated with it. The farthest most people would go is to hint on a possible affair just to arouse jealousy.

Other cheaters are just simply cruel as to slap their infidelity on the face of their partners. They would derive satisfaction from seeing their partners in emotional pain. Only a few people do so without reason. Most would be out for revenge on a previously unfaithful spouse while some are out to prove to their inattentive spouses that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

When cheating is done without any deliberate effort to conceal it, a clear message for intervention from the spouse is being sent out. Separation is obviously not the main intent since it is more swiftly accomplished by being direct to the point. Somehow, the need to stay remains although the marital problem can no longer be denied.

Cheating Talks

Many cheaters get caught because they don't realize that cheating talks. It has its own language referred to as cheating body language. It reveals what is sought to be hidden. It shouts what the lips can only whisper.

Cheating spouses try their best to act as normal as possible and in doing so inadvertently call attention to the very lack of normalcy in their actions. A cheater when confronted acts on the defensive while a wrongly accused acts on the offensive when put to the test. Lying is a necessary component of cheating which manifests itself through body language.

A cheater is prone to the extremes. Either he/she is unable to make direct eye contact with the suspecting spouse or makes too much eye contact just to prove his/her innocence. Either an indirect answer is given or too much information is provided for simple questions asked from him/her in an effort to cover-up the real circumstances surrounding the real answer. Frequent unnecessary movements of the hands such as touching the face, throat, mouth, eyes, nose, and earlobes while talking with the doubting spouse connotes nervousness and discomfort.

Cheaters typically prefer to look to the side or position their bodies sideways because they are uncomfortable facing their accusers. Facial expressions also do not match what they are saying. Voice modulation is also widely observed among cheaters in their effort to mask real emotions. They also tend to talk faster than usual with a tendency to stutter which can also come with a hint of tremble in the voice. The face can also appear flushed.

Our bodies can betray our secrets. Sometimes, private investigators need not be employed to find out the truth about suspected spousal infidelity. Most of the time, the clues are just right there for the picking.

The Road to Redemption

Entering a serious relationship such as marriage requires a certain degree of faith to hope that two people who may come from different sides of the world and brought up in entirely different environments can ever succeed in staying together as a married couple. Difficult? - Yes!Possible? - Yes!

It is a mistake to think that couples who end up being together for a long time, if not for the rest of their lives, are those that did not encounter problems in their marriages. There will be minor faults on both sides and there will be major mistakes along the way. There will only be one thing that can save marriages through these crucial times and that is forgiveness.

In spousal infidelity, the road to redemption for both the cheater and the cheated lies in the act of accepting the mistake, being sorry for it, and obtaining forgiveness for it. This seemingly simple act of forgiving transgressions provides the relationship a fighting chance to succeed. Without it, bitterness prevails and separation follows.

Married couples need not be extraordinarily religious to realize that their being together serves a specific purpose not only for themselves but to the society as well. Trying to overcome difficulties together is an expected and integral part of forming life as a couple. Respecting the sanctity of the vow is an essential component of true commitment.

Redemption always comes at the end and never at the beginning. Lessons are learned after the mistake and not before. The lessons of infidelity are best taken to heart so that the same pain will never have to be undergone more than once, if at all. Being able to go through spousal infidelity and survive it to become a better person is in itself a redemption.

Infidelity in the Eyes of a Child

Children would like to believe that their parents are perfect. Cheating parents would also like to believe that their children don't know what they are doing and are doing okay in case they know. Even with the lack of specifics, children will ultimately know at least the nature of the situation in which their parents are involved in. When children know that a parent is cheating, they are confronted with conflicting emotions, including not only the realization that their parents are not perfect but also of the cheater's capability and willingness to cause great pain to the family.

Pain felt by children about the betrayal can be manifested through outright rebellion or misleading passiveness. Younger children may exhibit excessive tantrums while teenagers can challenge authority of parents. Being quiet does not necessarily equate to acceptance but rather a resignation to the hopelessness of openly contradicting a cheating parent.

Couples battling infidelity sometimes do not realize that they are forcing their children to take sides. The choice can be based on who is perceived as the good parent and not necessarily the good spouse. Usually however, young and impressive minds will see the cheating spouse as the bad parent. The basic question is: Who hurt who?

Cheating affects children more than parents can ever fathom. Cheating spouses are putting their children at a great disadvantage in terms of their future capability to trust. No matter how well-handled the situation may have been by the parents, it would always be difficult for a child to understand why his /her father cheats on his/her mother, or vice versa.

Infidelity shatters a child's sense of family security. What were previously perceived as truths are being questioned. The unspoken vow of parents to protect their children at all costs is seriously violated by breaking the marital vow.

Know When Reconciliation After Infidelity is NOT an Option

In order for reconciliation after infidelity to be truly possible, specific conditions have to be met. The first condition is the cheater's admission of guilt and the promise to terminate the extramarital relationship immediately. Another condition is the aggrieved spouse's forgiveness and the promise to allow trust to grow again.

How do affected couples know that reconciliation is no longer possible? It is quite simple really. If any or both spouses are not willing to satisfy the above conditions, they are better off discussing their separation in a peaceful and intelligent manner.

Imagine how cheated spouses can ever recover if their cheating spouses continue to lie and maintain communication with their lovers. Terminating illicit relationships is extraordinarily difficult to do especially among cheaters who maintain simultaneous relationships with several lovers. If you think terminating links with one lover is difficult, you haven't seen nothing yet with cheaters having simultaneous lovers.

Imagine as well a truly repentant cheater who gets rebuffed and constantly reminded of the mistake over and over again , in all possible circumstances and occasions. No peace of mind is ever given and obvious display of lack of trust is like a repetitive slap on the face. Changing for the better is almost impossible with the absence of any encouragement from the hurt spouse. It wouldn't even be surprising if the cheater relapses just from the mere exhaustion of trying.

There is a time to fight but there is a time to concede a relationship. Before final decisions are made, couples should give time to each other to consider what will be the best for each. The cooperation of both is required whatever decision they come up with in the end.

Can a Cheater Change for Good?

If we only knew a direct and precise answer to the question of whether a cheater can change for good or not, cheated spouses will probably have a ready answer when it is time to make a decision. If we would rely on the old saying that "once a cheater, always a cheater", then the answer is clear. There will be no need to extensively analyze the situation since choices are limited to two: accept or reject a cheater.

Without a clear-cut answer, cheated spouses may have to do a lot of wondering about their decision. The lack of definiteness gives rise to the possibility of change and absolute conversion in a once erring spouse. On the other hand, the risk of being hurt again by a repeat episode of infidelity is very real.

The numerous possibilities as to the outcome of a discovered infidelity makes it difficult to make life-changing decisions such as divorce or reconciliation. What makes the decision making process very hard is when a cheated spouse believes that there is a chance that change is possible, no matter how small. An aggravated spouse who does not entertain any doubt that his/her spouse will cheat again will have an easier time to cut clean of the relationship as compared to one who is holding on to the slimmest chance of change.

Ultimately, the decision will be based on the value given to the relationship and the partner as well as the willingness of the faithful spouse to give a second, third, or fourth chance...It will always be a personal decision in the same manner that changing will always be a personal decision of cheaters. In finding ways to avoid further episodes of cheating, couples should focus on the root cause and resolve it. Doing so will allow for a greater chance of changing the cheater for good.

The Complexities of Infidelity

Infidelity is never strictly the same for affected couples. What happened to your friends will not necessarily happen to you. How other affected couples reacted to their ordeal will not necessarily be your reaction. The absence of definitiveness in all aspects of infidelity makes it too complex to be addressed by a single uniform action.

What makes infidelity so complex? One is the difference in personalities involved. People do not have the same desires, needs, wants, views, and values. What is good for one may be be bad for another. People also have different capacities for forgiveness. Without forgiveness, marriage is doomed from the onset of infidelity.

Another is the difference in circumstances. Acceptability of spousal infidelity can be influenced by traditions, laws, and beliefs. It is almost impossible to fight what one has been accustomed to all his/her life. Problem arises when two people from entirely different upbringing in the subject of marriage decide to form a life together with each asserting their very difference. A prospective bride cannot expect to change her man overnight by simply getting married when he sincerely believes that there is nothing wrong with polygamy. After marriage, what the woman sees as infidelity or adultery may just be a normal way of life for the man.

Still another is the ability of cheaters to reform and make good on the promise to cease infidelity. Many start and end as one-timer cheaters while others make a habit out of it. Some will be unable to control themselves because of a psychological or physical condition such as sex addiction.

Attacking infidelity therefore for the purpose of stopping it requires analysis of individual cheating cases. Generalizing simply will not do. If resolving infidelity is so simple, we may not be looking at alarming infidelity statistics as we are doing now.

Revenge That Backfires

The tremendous amount of pain and anger can easily cloud a cheated spouse's judgment. There is an almost automatic reaction to hurt the cheating spouse with the same intensity and gravity. During this time, the temptation to enter a revenge affair is at its greatest.

A revenge affair is an extramarital affair engaged into by cheated spouses to retaliate on their cheating spouses. It is not sought because of any romantic or sexual need but by a singular aim to inflict pain on a betrayer. What most hurting spouses often forget is that revenge usually hurts the person seeking it more than the person for which it was intended. It is no different with infidelity.

Cheated spouses would try to find the fun, the excitement, and the thrill that their cheating spouses had in pursuing extramarital affairs. Fun, excitement, and thrill will remain elusive since cheated spouses are too full of anger and pain for any other emotion to penetrate. Instead of deriving satisfaction from extramarital sexual relations, cheated spouses feel cheap and low because they know that what they are doing is wrong. It has often been said that another wrong doesn't make things right.

What is worse is that the guilt of cheating spouses is lessened because they feel that they have already been punished. With both spouses being on equal footing in terms of infidelity, the original cheating spouse may seek to justify what he/she started. For people who matter like children of the spouses, retaliation does not make cheating acceptable. What will stand out in the end is that both parents cheated and in effect violated the inherent trust in a family.

Unknowing partners in revenge affairs can also be unfairly used to achieve a personal aim of vendetta. Cheated spouses can easily end up hurting other people in the same manner that they have been hurt by their cheating spouses. Before they realize it, they manage to hurt themselves more than their cheating partners.

The Rare Commodity

During these times when most married people are having a serious confrontation with the horrors of infidelity, the faithful spouse has become a rare commodity indeed. Often taken for granted, having a loyal partner is usually unappreciated especially in this world where there are so many distractions and "necessities". Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a faithful spouse and those who are in this position should have many things to be thankful for.

Spouses invest time, emotions, and self in loving each other. When everything goes down the drain because of an act of infidelity, the feeling of loss and waste cannot be denied. A faithful spouse is an affirmation of the decision to marry this particular person. It is a proof that everything that has been done in the name of the relationship has not been in vain.

Having a faithful spouse shields the family from the pain brought about by infidelity. The only way to avoid the trauma and pain associated with spousal cheating is not to get involved in it. When a person chooses to cheat, he/she is literally opening the floodgates of tears and anger into his/her own home. Once opened, turning back is difficult, if at all possible.

Faithful spouses spare their family from the grief of having to make and face heart-wrenching decisions like divorce, child custody, and property division. Fidelity between spouses helps to keep the family intact as children, even when grown-up tend to take their cue from parents who kept their marriage strong and truthful. Cheating is not something to be experimented on or taken lightly because of its far-reaching effects on people who matter most. A faithful spouse can help seal the fate of the family towards happiness and peace.

The Inner Struggle

Even in the most experienced and notorious cheaters, a certain inner struggle always exists in cheating on the spouse. By remaining married while committing infidelity, cheaters show that they are yet unable to release the legal spouse even when they engage in sexual relations with another. Infidelity happens when the need for self-gratification wins over the need to remain faithful to a committed relationship.

Thus, we often hear cheaters saying their famous lines like " I love you but I am not in love with you." Now what the heck is that supposed to mean? It simply means that the cheater "loves" the spouse enough to care about his/her pain but not in the romantic and passionate way as lovers do. Cheaters remain sensitive to the truth that they are the cause of their partners' grief but are unable to stop themselves from pursuing what they have with another.

Remembering the good times in marriage initiates feelings of guilt and doubt but can be overrun by the excitement and thrill of a new romantic interest. The initial stage of infidelity is usually the most difficult for the cheater thus the need to compensate for the behavior. Time tends to deaden the guilt and doubt. As cheaters see their new relationships develop, they become emboldened and become actually comfortable with what they are doing. The struggle is no longer confined to the inner emotions but now includes the struggle to keep up the pretense of maintaining simultaneous relationships.

The inner struggle returns when the time to make a decision between the spouse and the lover comes. This usually happens when the legal spouse has become highly suspicious of the cheater's activities or the lover has become more demanding of the cheater's time and attention. At this time, cheaters are in the highest risk of discovery because of the opposing demands of the spouse and the lover. Sooner or later, a choice has to be made.

Too Beautiful to be Cheated On

Is there really such a thing as being too beautiful to be cheated on? It is so easy to believe that being physically endowed will protect you from being a victim of infidelity. But guess what? Even the most beautiful beings in this world will find themselves facing the pain brought upon by a cheating spouse by their own fault or their spouses'.

We would think that a spouse of a physically beautiful or handsome person will have nothing else to look for in a relationship. Humans have many kinds of needs to be truly satisfied and that holds true for everybody. In the long run, a relationship cannot go on based on physical attraction alone.

When we hear about exceptionally beautiful people being cheated by their usually average-looking spouses, we are incredulous. How did the cheating spouse fail to see that he/she is lucky enough to be married to a prize catch? We are even more incredulous when we see the mistress or the lover turning out to be less than average-looking or the exact opposite of the cheated spouse.

Many psychologists have tried to explain this phenomena by a basic human frailty - insecurity. Being married to the best and the "mostest" in all aspects puts so much pressure on the spouse who is perceived to be of lesser physical endowment. In such insecurity, he/she tends to jump the gun on the spouse because of an unspoken belief that the beautiful spouse will sooner or later find a better partner more suited to his/her stature.

Other cheating spouses find out soon enough that there is more to marriage than a beautiful spouse. In trying to fill in the lack, many will cheat but will keep the beautiful spouse because of a selfish pride of maintaining a certain stature. Physical beauty alone will not exempt anyone from facing infidelity.

Same Sex Cheating

Whoever said that having sexual relations with a person of the same sex is not cheating on the spouse must have gotten his/her definitions wrong. It is like saying that when a person who is into a committed gay relationship enters a sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex, there is no cheating committed. Gender aside, sexual relations outside a monogamous marriage or a committed relationship is tantamount to cheating.

The problem with cheaters is that they usually shy away from responsibility and resort to tactics and reasoning that intend to trivialize their wrongdoings. Arguing that no cheating occurred because it was done with a member of the same sex has no ground whatsoever. A monogamous marriage specifically promotes exclusive sexual relation between the couple alone without qualifying exceptions like same sex sexual relations.

Many who have gone through the experience of being cheated by their spouse through same sex infidelity swear by the indescribable feeling of pain in their discovery of the truth. For cheaters who are not really gays to start with, the cheated spouse sees the infidelity as a direct attack to their manhood or womanhood. It is indirectly saying that the spouse is not enough to satisfy the needs of the cheater that he/she has to find them in people of the same gender.

For cheaters who are actually gay or lesbian, making someone believe otherwise to enter into marriage is certainly an unfair proposition. Marrying someone and then continuing on with a homosexual relationship is twice the deceit of the usual infidelity. There is also greater reason to believe that the marriage was based on an ulterior motive such as having children for lesbians and keeping up a manly front for male gays. In our modern world, sexual orientation is no longer the key issue but rather in avoiding hurting others by virtue of our sexual orientation and preference.

Define a Cheat

A cheat is someone who deceives or defrauds another. In the context of marriage or any committed relationship, a cheat is someone who is sexually dishonest to the spouse by having sexual relations with another. In a wider scope, having emotional involvement with a member of the opposite sex aside from the legal spouse also makes a cheat.

Cheating connotes secrecy and whenever a spouse sees a need to hide anything from the other, there is a big possibility that the thing being hidden will hurt the partner. Spouses hide many things from each other in different aspects such as in finances, vices, work, and even special interests. The need to hide is a presumption that the partner will not approve of what is being done.

A cheating spouse need not ask if his/her spouse will approve of what he is doing. Marital infidelity has caused the break-up of so many marriages but such a fact has not prevented more infidelities to occur. We see people cheating on their partners in all walks and levels of life.

A cheat is not being fair to his/her partner by not being straightforward of his/her real intentions. Rather than seek a solution by taking with the spouse perceived to be at fault, the faithful spouse is given no chance to do better if the fault indeed lies on him/her. A systematic cheat is usually not concerned with addressing the problem but only perpetrating lies as long as possible.

The Funny Side of Cheating

Cheated spouses who are still undergoing the effects and consequences of infidelity would surely find nothing funny about spousal cheating. After all, what is so funny about being betrayed and lied to? Survivors of infidelity however, are more equipped to see such aspect especially after the worse is over and finally dealt with.

Have you ever considered the great lengths to which cheaters would go to just to successfully go through with their acts of infidelity? Theirs is literally an act of juggling activities, schedules, and reasoning to avoid detection. It is almost usual to see them doing things they wouldn't be caught doing under normal conditions.

Can you imagine a previously possessive man finding ways to provide entertainment to his wife without him? It is as if he is providing his wife a chance to find an affair. This is of course to allow him to attend to his own extramarital affair without interference. Isn't it funny how men can be "generous" as long as their own agenda is allowed to prosper?

The hide-and-seek situation of wives and mistresses or husbands and lovers is almost tragically comic in their execution. Lovers miraculously fit in unlikely places in trying to evade a legal spouse. Have you heard about the joke about the lover who froze to death when he chose to hide in the freezer with the unexpected early arrival of the husband? Has some tinges of truth in it , if you ask me...

If you think committing infidelity is stupid, you should see the works of a simultaneous cheater. It is almost a joy to see the inconveniences he has to go through. It is hard not to feel vindication when he is finally caught and the cheated spouses finally get their say. The laughter of those who recovered from the betrayal is a treasure worth anticipating by those who are currently experiencing the pain of spousal cheating.