Children would like to believe that their parents are perfect. Cheating parents would also like to believe that their children don't know what they are doing and are doing okay in case they know. Even with the lack of specifics, children will ultimately know at least the nature of the situation in which their parents are involved in. When children know that a parent is cheating, they are confronted with conflicting emotions, including not only the realization that their parents are not perfect but also of the cheater's capability and willingness to cause great pain to the family.
Pain felt by children about the betrayal can be manifested through outright rebellion or misleading passiveness. Younger children may exhibit excessive tantrums while teenagers can challenge authority of parents. Being quiet does not necessarily equate to acceptance but rather a resignation to the hopelessness of openly contradicting a cheating parent.
Couples battling infidelity sometimes do not realize that they are forcing their children to take sides. The choice can be based on who is perceived as the good parent and not necessarily the good spouse. Usually however, young and impressive minds will see the cheating spouse as the bad parent. The basic question is: Who hurt who?
Cheating affects children more than parents can ever fathom. Cheating spouses are putting their children at a great disadvantage in terms of their future capability to trust. No matter how well-handled the situation may have been by the parents, it would always be difficult for a child to understand why his /her father cheats on his/her mother, or vice versa.
Infidelity shatters a child's sense of family security. What were previously perceived as truths are being questioned. The unspoken vow of parents to protect their children at all costs is seriously violated by breaking the marital vow.
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