NYT > Adultery

Monday, November 7, 2011

So Typically Male, So Typically Female



In the subject of infidelity, there are gender-specific behavior and thinking that can be observed as being poles apart. The marked difference in interpretation, reaction, and significance is largely responsible for the widening rift between the opposing genders when faced with infidelity. Each has his/her own idea about spousal cheating and almost always, they are not on the same level of thinking.

Male cheaters usually defend their cheating as nothing while women view them as everything. The interesting part here is that most men engage in extra-marital sex devoid of any romantic emotions thus the term : "it was nothing". To many men, a one night stand is simply that. A cheated wife will see this act of cheating as a threat to everything the couple has worked for in the marriage. Cheating is one act that undermines everything about the relationship. So here we have nothing vs. everything.

When men lie about their cheating, they see it as a form of protection for the family. Women see it as a form of perpetrating a betrayal. Non-confession of infidelity is often seen by cheating men as a sincere effort to spare the family from hurt and pain. Women see non-confession as a cover-up to prolong the affair. Here, we are facing protection vs. betrayal.

When women cheat, they believe they are in love with their lovers because of the strong emotions involved. Cheating husbands hop into the beds of their affair partners with nary a thought about romance, knowing fully well that they do so for the satisfaction of some carnal desire and nothing else. This is the reason why a long-standing affair should be more cause of worry for the faithful wife because time represents attachments. This time, the issue is about the perception of emotions involved.

Realizing how different genders look at infidelity, it is easier to understand why it is such a complex subject. Even the presumed non-contentious aspect that infidelity does cause pain is being appealed my male cheaters who are unable to understand its emotional consequences. Female cheaters on the other hand, are so preoccupied with being in love with love that it is so hard to convince them otherwise. So typically male, so typically female.

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