Legal Action Against the Third Party

In at least 7 states in America, deserted spouses can still sue a third party deemed responsible for the breakdown of their marriage for alienation of affection. First codified as a tort, it has since been abolished in most states for being archaic and revengeful. The remaining states which allow it as a valid course of action in infidelity cases are Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota and Utah.

Usual defendants for cases of this particular nature are the lovers of adulterous spouses although there have been cases that people identified to have advised the cheating spouse to seek divorce have also been cited as defendants. For a complaint for alienation of affection to prosper, it is not necessary to show proof of extramarital sex or to prove that the third party purposely set out to come between the spouses. It has to be established however, that the defendant intentionally engaged in acts which affected the marriage as to cause separation or desertion.

There must be existing elements that should also be established. These include the existence of love between spouses and that such love was alienated and destroyed by the defendant's malicious acts that eventually led to the loss of affection between married spouses. The consent of the cheating spouse nor previously existing marital troubles are not considered acceptable defenses. The defendant can claim though that he/she is not the aggressive seducer in the relationship that developed.

Many cheated spouses have apparently used this option to take revenge on the person they considered the cause of their failed marriage. Some have even gained considerable financial advantage especially in cases where the defendant is well-off. Those who intend to sue for alienation of affection should be reminded that the complaint cannot apply to situations where the supposed acts of the defendant happened more than 3 years prior to filing of the case. It likewise does not apply for acts done during the time spouses have already been living separately where the intention to make it permanent is quite clear.

A case of alienation of affection can be very difficult to establish. Cheated spouses are generally encouraged to move on and engage in more constructive action. Some people though have a hard time moving on without equalizing the situation, thus the thirst for revenge. If revenge is to be sought, cheated spouses just have to make sure that they will not commit acts that they will eventually regret.

The Red Flag is Up

In a relationship, when one sees the red flag (not literally though), it means that there are danger signs being manifested that are most likely to threaten its stability. Even before being married, the red flag can show itself quite clearly to warn of what possibly lies ahead in a more permanent relationship. A cheating boyfriend will most probably be a cheating husband and women should heed the warning signs.

If your boyfriend has a history of cheating on his past girlfriends, the odds that he will be faithful to you are against you. Unless he miraculously sees you as his one true love, he will continue his pattern of cheating every time he loses interest on his current girlfriend and sees another prospect in the horizon. You would probably need to reconsider before entering a relationship with this kind of man.

If he suddenly appears to be avoiding you for all sorts of reasons from running errands for his mother to attending a business conference every weekend, you can be certain that there is something amiss and that something is most probably someone, specifically another woman. Actions such as these are highly suspect especially if he has previously made it a point to be with you in all his available time. The complete turnaround from undivided attention to complete neglect cannot be ignored.

If he becomes overly critical of your simplest actions and appears irritable when he is with you, chances are he is wishing he is somewhere else and not with you. During the limited time he spends with you, he appears to be emotionally distant. He even purposely avoids any form of intimacy with you.

There are many other signs such as never answering his cell phone around you, checking out other girls even you're together, and asking what you consider cheating. Be attentive to details and spot the red flag. It might just save you from a life of misery and betrayal.

In Love With a Cheater

A good number of people go through married life not knowing that their spouses are cheating on them. Cheating spouses naturally hide their illicit activities, particularly those who do not desire to lose their legal partners. Discovered infidelity has caused many marriages to crumble and dissolve but there are cheated spouses who choose to stay married to their cheating spouses in spite of it.

There are various reasons why a betrayed spouse would choose to remain. Some consider the effect divorce have on children while others find the marriage convenient for their personal objectives. There is a distinct group that exists among cheated spouses - those that remain in love with their cheating spouses.

Whether or not they take the part in the marriage vow which mentions "for better or for worse" very seriously, they have certainly chosen a difficult for themselves. Infidelity is one of the worse burdens to carry in a marriage and to accept it as part of the relationship perhaps for a considerable time before it hopefully stops, requires steel-clad determination and an unlimited source of love. It is always easier to hate the betrayer than love him/her for how can you love someone who repeatedly hurts you with cheating. But there are those who do...

Short of branding them as people with masochistic tendencies or people who derive pleasure in being hurt, we may consider them as people who genuinely believe that there is hope in their respective marriages and spouses. Even in the clear indication of hopelessness, they are determined to wait it out while continuing to be there for their beloved cheaters. They love at the expense of themselves and that is not always good.

Marriage requires a certain degree of sacrifice but it would be best to assess what are being sacrificed with a spouse's repeated cheating. Does everyone and everything else cease to matter at the price of keeping the cheating spouse? Obviously, there is a thin line that separates undying love with plain stupidity.

Too Young

Confronted with divorce statistics showing an alarming divorce rate for the age group of 14 to 17 years, we cannot help but wonder, why not? These are people who may not even have fully formed themselves individually, much less as a couple. By marrying too early, they enter the committed relationship blindsided by unrealistic expectations of living happily ever after.

Is it any surprise therefore to see couples within this age group struggle through their marriage? If mature couples are not safe from the ills that wreck a relationship, it is very easy to imagine how harder it is for the much younger ones. This is not to say that mature people are better than young people, but in the context of a serious relationship such as marriage, a healthy dose of maturity wouldn't hurt anyone.

Most young couples see marriage through a rose-colored glass where nothing can go wrong. Romantic dreams of life-long companionship, love, acceptance, and security easily overshadow the realities of marriage problems such as abuse, unexpected pregnancy, and extra-marital affairs. Young cheating spouses sometimes have the mistaken notion that they have the "right" to cheat since they have been "trapped" too early in marriage. They realized too late that they have given up the freedom to form romantic relationships with another by committing oneself in marriage.

The desire to make up for lost romantic opportunities have no place in marriage. This is the reason why young couples are greatly cautioned against committing to exclusivity too early in their lives. Marriage cannot accommodate infidelity to satisfy a personal want. Most often than not, people who enter marriage with a lack of realistic understanding of their sexual responsibility to their partners end up with the divorce option. There are a good number of young couples who managed to survive the challenges of early marriage but it is a safe bet to say they all did with a lot of hard work and determination.

The Ghost of Infidelity

It would be ideal if a couple who has just gone through the horror and pain of infidelity could come out and truthfully say that they have rid themselves of the very last remnants of the dreadful episode in their marriage. It is to their credit if they are able to survive infidelity together. The real test of survival however, lies in the aftermath which may be plagued by recurring feelings of doubt on the part of the cheated spouse and guilt on the side of the cheating spouse. Together, they must face the ghost of infidelity which often lingers to disturb every once in a while the semblance of peace existing in the marriage.

Every single act of the cheating spouse is suspect while every single question from the cheated spouse is a reproach. Unless all remaining issues of past infidelity is resolved, cracks in the marriage will resurface and the couple may soon find themselves facing another challenge in their marriage. When a problem is not being discussed, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. The more its existence is denied, the clearer it becomes that there is indeed a problem.

Redundant unresolved issues within the marriage usually have more power to break down a marriage than a single sensational problem that is met squarely on its face by a troubled couple. The continued existence of the cause of the initial infidelity can always be the same reason for rekindling interrupted affairs or finding another paramour. The ghost of infidelity will continue to haunt a marriage until the perceived "lack" remains.

If you think you've won because your cheating spouse chose you over his other woman, don't rejoice just yet. You would be surprised to discover how a memory of an affair can be a formidable opponent to your reconciliation efforts. Remove the ghost in your relationship permanently by being each other's refuge and comfort.

The Will to Remain True

In today's world, infidelity seems to be the order of the day. World leaders do it, common people do it. It does not show respect for status, race, age, gender, or religion. There appears to be more tolerance for it although it remains generally unacceptable to human society. Fortunately, there are still those who choose to remain true to their commitment to their respective spouses.

As experience would teach us, doing right is always more difficult than doing wrong. However, the rewards of the former will always outweigh whatever temporary consolations are being derived from the latter. Eventually, this consolations will also disappear as the full consequence of a wrong act is realized.

Faithfulness to a spouse is not simply a matter of law or belief. It is about honoring a commitment to another human being to be there even when the going gets rough. Yes, the commitment is expected to remain even when a spouse falls short of expectations. Being human, everyone is bound to disappoint sometimes but this should not be a reason to look for fulfillment in another.

There is no marriage authority in the world who can claim that working on a relationship is easy. In fact, maintaining a working marriage requires consistent nurturing to flourish. It also requires spouses to be more forgiving of mistakes and supporting of efforts to correct them.

Remaining true to a spouse is never an accident. It is a product of a strong will to remain faithful even when the other supplies the reason to stray. Cheating spouses lament neglect, lack of appreciation, and deteriorating physical appearance of their partners. What they often not see is their own lack of effort to find an answer to the deficiency. As cheesy as it may seem, only true love allows people to see through faults and discover new things to love about the partner in the face of advancing age, stressful disposition and fading looks.

Eluding Discovery of Infidelity

Cheaters can hide their infidelity for some time but not all the time. Experience teaches them to be craftier by each count of cheating. Even then, discovery is not always very far behind.

The craftiest cheaters organize their acts to minimize, if not totally avoid detection from trusting or doubting spouses. They can find ways to make suspicious moves appear legitimate. In short, they cover their tracks of infidelity quite well down to the last weakest point.

How do they do it? With a high degree of restraint and common sense,many cheaters have managed to evade discovery of their unfaithfulness. Each action is carefully considered for every possible loophole. They know that over-confidence will spell the end of their secret and therefore does not indulge in such luxury. Instead, they presume that discovery is always a possibility at any point in time.

Successful cheaters know how to set boundaries for themselves and their respective lovers. They would rather be safe than sorry and will not give in to reckless impulses to meet in places where there is more chance of being recognized. Public display of affection is a strict no-no and every rendezvous is kept in low profile. They are very careful not to call attention to themselves. When recognized in public, they make sure that being with the third party has a perfectly sound explanation.

A cheater knows that the less people who know about the infidelity, the lesser the chance of getting caught. No one, after all can reveal anything which he/she has no knowledge of. Hiding infidelity is a seriously tedious job. Cheaters are bound to make slip-ups and sooner or later, they will have to answer for their acts.

Acknowledging the Signs

Spousal cheating is always at first glance a horribly devastating experience. There can be no positive aspect to speak of when it comes to violating the trust given by a spouse. Survivors of infidelity however, can attest to the fact that a silver lining may hide from such an unexpected source as cheating in the form of a stronger relationship if it manages to survive the disturbance.

Most people tend to go through life ignoring the subtle signs of marriage trouble in the hope that they will eventually go away. While some signs do go away because they were actually false alarms, others won't because they're real. Soon, they will be more noticeable and can be connected with one another until the doubting spouse has no choice but to acknowledge them and take action.

Infidelity does not simply disappear when ignored. In fact, it tends to progress as it is allowed to go through its natural course without interference, either because the cheating spouse believes that he can get away with it or the other spouse allows it to happen. Spousal cheating is something that has to be talked about in the open between spouses. Before any solution is possible, the problem and its causes have to be identified. Anything short of this would result to half-baked remedies that do not stand a chance against the pressure of infidelity.

In acknowledging the problem of spousal cheating, not all marriages are able to survive. Given this truth, the marriage is still given a fighting chance to prevail rather than deteriorate in neglect and indifference. Spouses are not only expected to provide support during good times but especially so when challenges are there to overcome.

Couples who envision a lifetime together can treat infidelity as a mistake that can be forgiven to make possible the beginning of the journey towards a stronger marriage. Even when it feels like the end of the world for the faithful spouse, second chances can make the difference.

Justifying Infidelity

People involved in infidelity are usually carried by extreme emotions, so extreme that they will go to any lengths just to have the chance of experiencing them continuously. Any person who has the sense to speak against it is automatically tagged an enemy. Cheaters will lie to others even up to the point where they actually convince themselves that the lie is the truth.

Determined cheaters will go through the motions of repairing the marriage such as going to counseling. With the task of external performance of efforts to fix the marriage achieved, they will cite the "failure" of counseling to justify an extra-marital affair. At the pretense of doing everything to save the marriage, a cheater with this kind of thinking goes into the "solution" with his/her mind set on continuing the affair.

Cheaters often claim that their respective spouses fail to fulfill a certain need they have in the marriage. A marriage blossoms with love, communication, intimacy and companionship. When one spouse is not able to provide any of these needs, it should not be used as an excuse to cheat by the other. This seeming lack of something within the marriage should encourage both to look into ways of fulfilling what is wanting. Most of the time, the "neglectful" spouse would require some realization of his/her negligence through the help of the wanting spouse. Together they can work things out for the better.

In the event that all efforts prove to be in vain, couples should eventually decide on what they will do with their marriage. Although not a favorable option, divorce or separation is still a more honorable option than deception and infidelity. Before deciding however on matters that would result to the end of a relationship, couples should consider looking for justifications to stay in the marriage especially if the positive points outweigh the negative. After all has been said and done, people who are truly unhappy in their marriage can never be fully justified in choosing to cheat.