Your Spouse and Your Best Friend

Of all the women in the world, why would your husband choose to cheat on you with your best friend? In the same breath, why would your best friend choose to betray you by hooking up with your husband? Is there such a big shortage of possible sexual partners that they'd rather pursue this option than look somewhere else.

Many people caught in this situation claim that theirs was not an intentional act. Their constant exposure to each other by virtue of their relationship to the betrayed one plays a big factor in the development of the affair. Their togetherness is seldom questioned unless there are obvious reasons to arouse doubts and suspicions.

It is true that affairs of this nature are not typically planned as most develop in time due to familiarity. It is safe to presume that the cheating parties may have tried to resist the temptation initially because of their relationship as a husband and as a friend respectively to the unknowing wife. An affair however is a clear testament to their failure to keep themselves in check.

You should not be wondering why the discovery of your husband's and best friend's affair is so much more hurtful that what you imagined infidelity would be. The affair involves two people who your trust with your innermost being . They are probably the last people you thought would hurt you this way. Your spouse and your best friend are supposed to defend you and support you and not connive with each other to deceive you. There is nothing bad about unconditional trust but the strangest things do happen including an affair which you never thought possible. Be aware of what is happening around you especially between the people closest to you.

Cheating for Money

If given the chance and there is a pressing "need", would you consider cheating on your spouse for a sum of money? Many are quick to dismiss this as a definite non-option although most of them will probably be considered fairly comfortable financially. There is no question that well-off people do cheat but they usually do for other reasons aside from money. If they do consider, chances are the price is pegged quite high so as to merit their attention who are not actually in dire need of money.

Money has always been a temptation especially to those belonging to the lower economic class. This doesn't mean that they are less morally upright than their counterparts in the higher economic class. They are just more vulnerable because of the reality of material lack and the pressure of having to provide for other people.

Why would you think moneyed people dangle their bait to attractive members of the opposite sex who are not particularly well-off? They do so because they think they have more chances with people who are in need of the material wealth they are offering. They know very well that there are more chances of getting rebuffed by targets who can obviously provide for their own material needs and desires.

If we look at sites that typically asks readers' views about anything, it is common to see answers to the same question we have now to the effect that they will consider "cheating" on their spouses if their partners agree. If we are to be blunt about it, this can hardly be called cheating since it is done with the express approval of the other. The answer just goes to show that some people can provide for "allowances" in marriage if there is an expected benefit from it. The issue of trust however may be a significant cause of friction after.

When a cheater acts on his/her own decision, it is possible that he/she is looking out for personal benefits or sacrificing for the spouse and family. We are presupposing that infidelity in this case stems purely from financial need or want and nothing else. They say everyone has a price, do you have yours?

The Barren Wife

Barren is a truly lonely word. It denotes the incapability of a woman to bear an offspring in such a manner that suggests failure and defeat. However, it is the very word that captures the difficult emotional aspect of infertility.

The inability to provide children to a husband can be a very heavy burden for a wife. Even when there are no words spoken , the wife may feel a certain degree of inadequacy especially if the marriage started with plans that clearly included having children. To discover later on during marriage that she will not be able to fulfill her part of the plan by reason of some medical condition or physical impossibility can sometimes lead her to feel that she owes her husband a remedy such as allowing him to beget children from another woman.

There are men who have handled the fact of having an infertile wife with impressive dignity and utmost respect for their respective spouses. There are many however who feel the pressure to prove their capability of procreating and make use of another woman to make the point. This is probably one of the most cowardly reasons of cheating because it only serves the male ego and nothing else.

The desire to have children even when the wife is unable to produce their biological child can be addressed by adopting. Adopting a child is a big responsibility and is not intended merely to satisfy a person's need to have a child. Couples considering this option should therefore be very careful.

Never the less, there is a life waiting for a couple unable to have children. Cheating and having children from another woman is not exactly a better option. Given the truth of the situation, couples should be able to decide for themselves the fate of their marriage instead of opting for palliatives that only serve as temporary measures. Having a barren wife is not an excuse to cheat especially since the condition is neither the fault nor the desire of the woman.

In-Law Interference

In an infidelity battle between spouses, in-law interference is usually not welcome. This is especially so when in-laws tend to tolerate and defend the cheating ways of their kin. Instead of helping to find the solution, their involvement becomes an aggravating factor in the already difficult situation.

Standards of values and morality among family members have a way of being parallel to each other. Thus, if parents show to their children that infidelity is a natural thing that happens in married life, children will grow up believing such. Those that have been brought up in a family environment that gives value to faithfulness will expect their spouses to be true to them. Two people from opposing backgrounds who eventually marry may encounter frequent clashes in views. These differing views may end up affecting not only the marriage but the children as well.

Families that tolerate spousal cheating may help cover-up the infidelity of their kin as if to conspire against the faithful spouse. They may do this not because they do not approve of the infidelity but because of the inconvenience of a full-blown fight between the spouses. Other families may react more strongly by blaming the faithful spouse for creating such a commotion over something which they believe is nothing.

There is also nothing to prevent the relatives of the faithful spouse to react accordingly. Before anyone realizes it, the affair becomes a fight between two families instead of between the spouses. In this danger lies the wisdom of seeking professional assistance in resolving marriage troubles. In-law interference laced with biases will be way too personal to be of much use to anyone. Affected couples should be able to resolve the conflict between themselves without dragging family members in the process so as to avoid long-lasting bitterness between families.

The Cheater's Choice

It is always very interesting to see who the cheater will choose between the spouse and the lover when forced to do so. It is probably every cheater's dream to get away with his extramarital affairs so as to escape the necessity to choose. Most cheaters are perfectly content with maintaining the status quo, meaning having the security of marriage and the excitement of an affair at the same time.

Who could blame them for wanting to have such freedom and convenience at their hands? Imagine being able to hide behind the secrecy of an undiscovered affair - no hard decisions to make with an unknowing spouse and a cooperative lover. But what happens when the truth comes out as both spouse and lover demand that the cheater now make a choice between them?

A spouse who unconditionally allows a cheater to carry on an affair with another is a rare breed. The most typical scenario after discovery of infidelity is the issuance of an ultimatum by the aggrieved spouse to the cheating partner to terminate the affair immediately. On the other hand, the discovery can also encourage a lover to stake her claim by forcing the cheater to leave the legal spouse to be permanently with her.

A casual cheater who does not actually take his cheating ways very seriously may find himself in a tight bind having no intention from the very beginning of deserting his wife and family for another woman. He may be "forced" to choose the lover when he is given no other choice by the wife when she does the leaving. Cheaters who are under the illusion of being in love with the lover have the tendency to forget their marital vows and responsibilities. A mistake cannot be corrected by another mistake. If a cheater realize in the end that his love for the wife remains, he should have the humility to accept his mistake and work towards possible reconciliation with his wife instead of choosing the lover for lack of better options.

Nothing Personal

A cheating spouse who claims that his/her cheating ways is nothing personal in relation to the partner may actually be on to something. People who experience manic behavior with regards to sexual aggression may be unable to control their impulse which is usually manifested through habitual cheating. This is also referred to as bipolar infidelity.

Bipolar infidelity stems from a medical condition that is associated with hypersexuality resulting to impaired judgment when faced with the opportunity to cheat. The opportunity can either be purposely sought by the cheater or presented by chance. Either way, the cheater will find it impossible to resist cheating.

Anyone married to a person afflicted with this condition will find the situation difficult even if there is truth to the claim that the cheating being done is not intentional. The offense however, does not become less personal because of the very sensitive issues attached to it. It is quite understandable when faithful spouses in such a situation eventually give up because of the extraordinary demands made on them to support their cheating spouses in spite of the extreme pain brought about by infidelity.

A faithful spouse who decides to stick it out with a cheating partner dealing with manic behavior can only see a semblance of light at the end of the tunnel when the cheater cooperates towards correcting the behavior. Cooperation will include the serious efforts of the cheater to get well and stay well such as active participation in the treatment regime . Anything short of these efforts is unacceptable towards the goal of repairing a broken marriage even if infidelity is nothing personal to the cheater.

The Power of Letting Go

Do you notice how sometimes the more we hold on to something, the more it slips away? It is as if it was not meant for us. We can see certain parallelisms in human relationships when those who love insist on holding on to a cheating spouse but no avail.

Most cheaters appear to be driven away more as their faithful spouses fight for them. They feel trapped in their marriages and see extramarital affairs as their refuge. They are unable to appreciate what they have and cannot think of anything else but opting out of the relationship.

Some cheated spouses seek consolation in their cheating spouse's continued physical presence in spite of the obvious emotional absence. The fact that the cheater has not totally abandoned the conjugal home can be an encouraging sign for possible reconciliation. However, it can also be possibly due to the fact that it is still a more convenient option for the cheater and not for any sentimental or romantic reason.

A faithful spouse who has done everything humanly possible to convince a change of heart in a cheating spouse should consider the wisdom of letting go. This means surrendering the fate of the marriage to time. Many cheating spouses realize their mistakes only in actually losing the faithful spouse. After being very busy running from a seemingly desperate spouse, the cheater may find the opportunity to think things over and realize his/her mistake as the faithful spouse reacts totally out-of-character in quiet resignation.

Letting go commands its own power. It may not be as sensational as physically fighting for a cheating partner but it forces the cheater to think instead of simply reacting. When a faithful spouse finally lets go of a cheating partner, there is no guarantee that the cheater will come back. What it promises to do is to give back the power of cheated spouses to live for themselves and not for the pain brought upon by their cheating partners. There is definitely more to life than being the receiver of infidelity.

Marriage of Convenience- Does it Lay the Foundation for Infidelity?

A marriage of convenience is said to be an agreement between two people to be bounded in marriage for practical and financial reasons rather than the desire for intimacy and emotional support. Because of the seemingly "cold" conditions of the relationship presented from the very start, it could be very difficult to attain the level of intimacy that will develop trust between the couple. This is especially so when one party is "forced" to participate in the sexual aspect of the relationship merely as part of his/her own side of the agreement.

There are many men and women holding advantageous positions in society who will try to "buy" the affection of their objects of desire by providing that which is needed most by the other in exchange. There are also instances where the party in need initiates the proposal and is either accepted or rejected by the other. In situations such as this where the real reason for wanting to go into marriage is quite clear between the couple, is it realistic therefore to expect that the spouse who has no genuine interest on the other will eventually find himself/herself in the path of infidelity?

We have to remember that anyone who crosses the lines dictated by marriage in the aspect of fidelity is considered a cheat whether or not he/she has expressed love for the other. It is enough that he/she has agreed to be part of the marriage even if it is only done to fulfill a personal purpose. The other party who agrees to fulfill such a purpose naturally expects something in return for the favor. It is quite common for them to expect their spouses to be faithful at least during the tenure of the agreement, unless of course there has been an agreement arrived into otherwise.

There are known cases where partners to marriage for convenience allow each other a certain degree of freedom to maintain relationships with another man or woman subject to limitations. This agreement is usually known between the couple only and requires a substantial degree of restraint on both sides so as to avoid shaming the other in the public's eyes. A marriage of convenience tends to lay the foundation for infidelity since sexual desire and affection of at least one spouse is reserved for another.

Checking Out That Mysterious Number

If your spouse's frequent phone use has recently become unsettling because the person on the other end of the line remains a mystery or a source of doubt, it is time to settle the issue once and for all . You could just be punishing yourself with an overactive imagination or you can be on to something important like marital infidelity. None the less, a spouse who appears less than straightforward when asked about the identity of his /her frequent phone conversation partner, should be the subject of a subtle preliminary investigation.

Subtlety is required especially when everything is just about suspicions with no hard evidence to support the accusations of cheating. The number one rule in confronting a possible cheating spouse is not to initiate any form of confrontation about the suspected cheating without any proof. The cheating spouse may see through the attempts of fishing for information thereby only exposing the doubtful spouse to more lies instead of the desired truth.

A mysterious phone caller who makes it a habit to hang up when you answer the phone but responds when your spouse gets to answer it is not merely a nuisance caller but possibly a lover of your spouse who becomes reckless enough to risk exposure rather than wait for you spouse's call or visit. This mystery caller can be unmasked through a simple process called the reverse phone look up. However, you as the doubting spouse have one and only one requirement to fulfill and that is to get the number of the caller or the person being called either through your landline or your spouse' s cell phone.

The reverse phone number look up service is offered by many online service providers. For a fee, you will be given a report containing anything and everything pertinent to the mysterious number or numbers which you hold in your hand. These service providers usually have complete information of all numbers registered in the US including cellular numbers, unlisted numbers and blocked numbers.

Once you have such the information you need, you can determine for yourself whether or not there is probable basis for your suspicions. Calls from the boss are frequently work related although a superior of the opposite sex calling in the middle of the night can still raise doubts. Further investigation may be required if doubts are not laid to rest with the identity of the caller.