NYT > Adultery

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Truth Behind An Unintentional Affair



"I never meant to do it, it just happened," so goes the typical explanation of a cheater. Can an affair be unintentional, accidental even? Many cheaters swear that this is exactly what happened to them. They didn't go out to look for it and yet they found it or it found them.

What we often term as unintentional or accidental is actually the expected result when people place themselves in certain situations. It may be a fact that a man or woman engages in social activities with members of the opposite sex without any intention of cheating a spouse. Socializing after all is part of a well-rounded life. What a person should be on the particular look-out for is not socializing per se but the inclination to develop exclusivity in zeroing in attention to a particular person.

It starts out simply enough - a spark of interest, excitement over seeing the other person, preference in being paired with one particular person in group activities, and many other seemingly innocent indulgences. To the people concerned, their world has become more exciting than usual and they enjoy it. It is only up to this point however that a cheater can claim the lack of intent to cheat for taking the excitement a notch higher is clearly courting trouble.

Once another man or woman comes in the middle of the marriage, the intentions are very clear. The prospective cheater who sacrifices time for his/her spouse to be available to the prospective third party in the guise of an important personal or work-related event is setting the stage for infidelity. Granting that no person can choose what he/she can feel about a certain person, a person has the freedom to choose whether to act on such feelings or not. Married people obviously do not have a choice but the problem is, some think they do.

Admiration or attraction may take anyone by surprise. Infidelity when applied on one's self comes with fair warning. You know what your are thinking and what you are feeling. Where you decide to bring such thoughts and feelings is up to you. Please just don't say that you didn't mean to do it.

1 comment:


  1. If you know you not ready for a relationship why get into one and still cheat and liar. I was dying inside for my cheating wife , i had no prove, no one to run to. Everyone thought i was paranoid. until i was referred to a Private Investigator  Mr James . I told him about my situation and He understood me well and helped me spy on my wife.He hacked my wifes Gmail and Facebook account and linked all her WhatsApp and phone conversation to me, to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to James for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him Mr James (Worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) via Email. 

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