The Power That Makes People Cheat

We would like to believe that people in power would know that they have more than a fair share of the good things in life in terms of prestige, money, family, and opportunities. We would also like to think that they would consider a number of times before engaging in acts of infidelity since they stand to lose more because of having so much. Herein lies the paradox of power itself. Contrary to providing contentment, power breeds hunger for more up until the time when they think they can get away with anything.

Famous powerful men who have fallen from public grace due to discovered infidelity have recently been seen making their highly publicized confessions in front of the media. Most would have their staple "prop" of a loyal wife standing beside them in times of great marital trouble. Others just had to do their public confession on their own without the benefit of a wife's support. With or without the presence of the faithful wife, both are largely perceived as calculated moves to salvage the cheater's remaining reputation for some other future purpose.

We haven't seen many famous unfaithful wives publicly confessing their indiscretion with or without their respective loyal husbands beside them. This is not to say that powerful women are immune from the call of infidelity. It's either that males still hold majority of the positions of power or female counterparts hide their affairs better.

It is with much perplexity that I watch these powerful people reveal their wrongdoings and see the persons and things they stand to lose at the same time. Many people would do and give anything to be in their privileged positions and would move heaven and earth to have access to opportunities given them. Power can make people forget that they too are subject to the standards of society.

The Unwilling Mistress

Not all mistresses are aware of their true status in relation to the role they play in their men's lives. A woman may go about her life thinking that she is the only one in her man's eyes only to discover later that she is actually the so-called "other woman". Cheating men do not usually go to great extents to cover-up their married status especially if their intended paramours are married women themselves. They might just be tempted to be more secretive if their eyes are set on single women.

Single women are generally more cautious and unwilling to participate in acts of infidelity with a married man. The obvious reason of course is that a single woman has every chance to find her own man so why would she purposely choose to become the spare when she can be the legal wife. The limitation set in time , place, and interacting with people who are deemed important such as family and friends, not to mention sharing affections with a third party are not exactly scenarios to look forward to. This generalization does not include the exception of single women who thrive and revel in adulterous relationships with men.

When a woman is so engulfed in the loving feeling, it is so easy for her to miss the obvious and make excuses for the glaring faults staring her right on the face. There are always telltale signs that a man is not being honest about something particularly about his marital status. Every action that goes against the natural course of conducting a relationship is suspect.

Does he give you all sorts of excuses not to be introduced to his family, friends, and co-workers? Does he often cancel dates with you due to some emergency situations? Do you feel as if he would like to hide you?

Common sense dictates that people who are into a serious relationship will find ways to make their partners feel as much part of their lives as possible and not the other way around. If a man appears to be holding back something, chances are, he is, and it is the woman's responsibility to know since a cheating man almost never confesses until cornered. There is no need to wait for the day when a woman who introduces herself as the wife comes knocking at the door.

How to Catch a Cheating Spouse

How to Catch a Cheating Spouse: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Blaming the Faithful Spouse

Can you believe how some cheaters can actually make their faithful spouses guilty for their own infidelity? After violating their marriage vows with willful cheating and being discovered, they go into a barrage of accusations and actuations of the the faithful spouses' supposed inadequateness and faults. This is being done by the cheater in the hope of justifying an extramarital affair.

What is especially notable about this characteristic effort of the cheating spouse to turn the table on a faithful spouse is that sometimes it actually works. It is almost painfully laughable to see a faithful spouse trying to "change" for the better so that the cheater will not stray again. The faithful spouse adjusts to the "demands" of a cheating spouse, convinced that the fault lies in him/her.

The cheating spouse can work this situation to the hilt by totally recreating their marriage to make it appear that the victim is him/her and that the only reason for the infidelity is the considerable pain and unhappiness he/she is going through. Depending on how convincing a cheater is, he/she can actually manipulate how the real situation appears in the eyes of other people, the faithful spouse, and himself/herself. Sometimes, cheaters end up believing their own stories as well.

When a faithful spouse finds himself/herself going through this perplexing situation, it would be best to remember the truth. In marriage, the spouses are the only two people who know what is happening in the relationship. A faithful spouse would know if he/she is to blame. Most often than not, it boils down to the cheater's fault since everyone is responsible for the decisions made. The cheater chooses to cheat on his/her own and don't let any cheater tell you otherwise.

Finding Fault

All 50 states of America now recognize no-fault divorce. California started it in 1970 while other states eventually followed suit. The last of them all finally gave in. New York has recognized this option as of October 2010. Before no-fault divorce was made available, what options were available to those seeking to be free of marriage bonds?

Traditionally, there were certain situations required to exist before a petition for divorce was granted. The so-called grounds for divorce included mental instability, physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse specifically if it was not disclosed before the marriage, homosexuality, desertion, cruelty, and adultery. Referred to as at-fault divorce, the petitioning party is required to provide proof of the partner's fault or evidence that will prove that a specific act/s not compatible to marriage was committed.

In citing adultery as a ground for divorce for example, the petitioning party should be able to show to the courts that the spouse has committed acts of infidelity. No-fault divorce came about when the use of legal fictions to circumvent the statutory requirements of traditional divorce became common practice. Legal fictions in this case are essentially conjured-up stories intended to support a specific ground for divorce. Spouses intent on obtaining divorce usually participate in collusive adultery where they mutually agree that one would "catch" the other committing adultery. The most commonly alleged legal fiction was cruelty because it was apparently the easiest to falsify.

Only 15 states provide solely for the no-fault divorce option. The rest provides for both no-fault and at-fault options. Finding fault therefore may still be critical especially in the aspect of dividing marital property and determining alimony.

Fight or Retreat

Brave is a person who has been cheated on and yet accepts the fact of betrayal and the betrayer. It takes extraordinary strength to do this but many have done it in the name of real commitment to marriage. While all efforts to save a relationship rocked with infidelity deserve commendation, is it possible that some may just be trying to save a marriage that has long been over?

Relationships work because people involved in them choose to participate constructively. Once they became one-way where only one gives, shares and cultivates, there ceases to be any relationship to speak of. The whole thing becomes a lonely quest for the impossible.

History has shown us inspiring stories where love and determination manage to conquer all, even the transformation of certified philanderers into faithful partners. The problem with these stories is that they are few and far between, partly explaining why they are given more attention than others. Without even inquiring into the details of these stories, it would be safe to presume that pain and suffering were pretty much part of the whole process.

No matter how willing a cheated spouse is to ignore evident signs of cheating, its reality can be very difficult to deny when it starts affecting the children, the cheated spouse's personal well-being, and the quality of family and personal life in general which results to extreme stress and pressure for everybody involved. Courage and strength is not merely limited to pushing on in times of adversity, it is also about accepting "defeat" when all efforts have been exhausted to fight for one's cause.

Cheated spouses sometimes have to look beyond themselves and the present when they decide on what to do after unabaited spousal infidelity. Acceptance of the truth makes it easier to start over as choices become clearer. Retreating on one battle to fight for a good life is no cowardice.

Marrying the Cheater

Someone had the perfect words for it:

"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife."

These words have far more truth in it that we realize. In fact, it goes both ways since marrying a woman who cheats on her husband means you'll be married to a woman who cheats on her husband. Makes sense? But of course!

What makes a person think that things will be any different once he/she marries the cheating spouse? Does the subsequent mariage have any power at all to stop the cheating ways of a person? There is actually no assurance to this since the same reasons used for the previous cheating, if left unresolved, can again come up and wreck the relationship.

Men and women who enter marriage as a previous 3rd party of a prior relationship of their present spouse cannot help but feel some degree of uncertainty and doubt of whether the same thing can happen to them. They have to live with the fact that their willful participation in cheating can be construed as an acceptance of shared affections. Going through the cheating experience from the other side as a "partner-in-crime" and then transcending into the role of a doubting spouse is one of life's ironic realities.

Although not all relationships having a history of this nature fail, ghosts of past indiscretions have a way of haunting the present. Life has a way of delivering justice, the most painful of which is the "eye-for-an-eye" type, which in this case means cheating for cheating. This could sometimes be seen as the sweetest revenge a cheated spouse can have on a ex-spouse and the new partner. On the lighter side, a former paramour can have no better forewarning than having travelled the same path before with a cheater.

Sharing Your Spouse

Sharing one's spouse with another man or woman is unthinkable but there are some people who accept this situation even when they have all the right to say no. Marriage is meant for two people and not three with the exception of those who openly practice polygamy by virtue of their heritage or religious practice. Having multiple partners where such practice is not the norm poses a challenge to morality issues.

People go through the rituals of the marriage ceremony to signify that two people belong to each other and vow to have no one else come between their union. Cheating or infidelity cuts through this union thoroughly and to make one person endure it is quite devastating. No one in his/her right mind will choose to stay when confronted with blatant and vulgar infidelity.

But there are people, specifically women who feel they have no choice but to accept the reality that their husbands have other women in their lives. These are typically economically dependent women who rely solely on their husbands for her and their children's needs. They have no income or house to speak of, apart from that provided by their husbands. They wouldn't know where to start if and when they get out of the relationship.

Economic considerations present a real dilemma to those who would like to take their children with them when they leave. Child custody cases as we know, look into the financial capability of a parent to bring up their children well. This is why it makes sense for women to continually cultivate means to make themselves financially productive whether or not the marriage is doing good.

IT'S OVER AND THAT'S FINAL!

No one can determine for sure a person's capacity to continuously be subjected to acts of infidelity by a spouse. Forgiving a cheating spouse is often romanticized as love prevailing over anything else. But is this truly how love should be especially if cheating is done over and over again?

The first cheating is usually the easiest to forgive particularly if it is the only instance. However, there are people who simply cannot accept a cheating spouse and will not risk giving second chances. The decision of whether or not a cheating spouse will be given the opportunity to redeem himself/herself ultimately depends on the cheated spouse. After all, he/she will be the one to live through it. Aside from a genuine desire to save the marriage, a cheated spouse may give that chance for other reasons such as concern for the children's welfare, fear of other people's judgement, or the refusal to accept the truth of a failed marriage.

Being subjected however, to repeated , if not blatant cheating can cause undetermined effects on a person physically, emotionally and psychologically. A person can only take so much before he/she journeys the path to self-destruction. The only way to avoid this is to get out of the relationship when it is clear that spousal cheating will not stop.

Cheaters who are repeatedly easily forgiven tend to be emboldened by their every act until it feels right. Forgiveness is taken for granted and saying sorry merely becomes perfunctory. Cheated spouses are no nearer to the solution if this situation is accepted as it is. They need to draw the line when enough is enough. So say it... Say IT'S OVER AND THAT'S FINAL!

The Workplace as a Cheating Hotspot

There was a time when the office or the workplace was just a place to earn a living. There was not much social interaction to contend with between members of the opposite sex because men occupied "men's jobs" while women occupied "women's jobs". Social activities after work were usually confined to all-boys-nightout or all-girls-nightout. As the career field was levelled to welcome employees from both sexes, opportunities and situations never before imagined in the workplace arose. These included opportunities to engage in extramarital affairs in the office.

It would be absurd to even suggest that we go back to the way it was because that is not the solution. We cannot always control the environment in our workplaces but we can prevent ourselves from engaging in workplace infidelity. It doesn't matter if everyone else is doing it, what matters is that you take responsibility for yourself and not do it.

Never commit the mistake of underestimating the uncanny ability of cheating to strike when least expected. You may actually believe that you are above such thoughts and actions only to find yourself in the middle of a messy office relationship. You need to understand how it can happen so that you can protect yourself.

The work environment creates situations that cultivates closeness among peers who are forced to share interests, work problems, and even the boss. Some inadvertently create personal attachments that are clearly beyond the boundaries of friendships and official work relationships. An office relationship is especially attractive because it forms an illusion of perfection and happiness when compared to a marriage subjected to the ugly realities of life.