Marrying the Cheater

Someone had the perfect words for it:

"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife."

These words have far more truth in it that we realize. In fact, it goes both ways since marrying a woman who cheats on her husband means you'll be married to a woman who cheats on her husband. Makes sense? But of course!

What makes a person think that things will be any different once he/she marries the cheating spouse? Does the subsequent mariage have any power at all to stop the cheating ways of a person? There is actually no assurance to this since the same reasons used for the previous cheating, if left unresolved, can again come up and wreck the relationship.

Men and women who enter marriage as a previous 3rd party of a prior relationship of their present spouse cannot help but feel some degree of uncertainty and doubt of whether the same thing can happen to them. They have to live with the fact that their willful participation in cheating can be construed as an acceptance of shared affections. Going through the cheating experience from the other side as a "partner-in-crime" and then transcending into the role of a doubting spouse is one of life's ironic realities.

Although not all relationships having a history of this nature fail, ghosts of past indiscretions have a way of haunting the present. Life has a way of delivering justice, the most painful of which is the "eye-for-an-eye" type, which in this case means cheating for cheating. This could sometimes be seen as the sweetest revenge a cheated spouse can have on a ex-spouse and the new partner. On the lighter side, a former paramour can have no better forewarning than having travelled the same path before with a cheater.

Sharing Your Spouse

Sharing one's spouse with another man or woman is unthinkable but there are some people who accept this situation even when they have all the right to say no. Marriage is meant for two people and not three with the exception of those who openly practice polygamy by virtue of their heritage or religious practice. Having multiple partners where such practice is not the norm poses a challenge to morality issues.

People go through the rituals of the marriage ceremony to signify that two people belong to each other and vow to have no one else come between their union. Cheating or infidelity cuts through this union thoroughly and to make one person endure it is quite devastating. No one in his/her right mind will choose to stay when confronted with blatant and vulgar infidelity.

But there are people, specifically women who feel they have no choice but to accept the reality that their husbands have other women in their lives. These are typically economically dependent women who rely solely on their husbands for her and their children's needs. They have no income or house to speak of, apart from that provided by their husbands. They wouldn't know where to start if and when they get out of the relationship.

Economic considerations present a real dilemma to those who would like to take their children with them when they leave. Child custody cases as we know, look into the financial capability of a parent to bring up their children well. This is why it makes sense for women to continually cultivate means to make themselves financially productive whether or not the marriage is doing good.

The Workplace as a Cheating Hotspot

There was a time when the office or the workplace was just a place to earn a living. There was not much social interaction to contend with between members of the opposite sex because men occupied "men's jobs" while women occupied "women's jobs". Social activities after work were usually confined to all-boys-nightout or all-girls-nightout. As the career field was levelled to welcome employees from both sexes, opportunities and situations never before imagined in the workplace arose. These included opportunities to engage in extramarital affairs in the office.

It would be absurd to even suggest that we go back to the way it was because that is not the solution. We cannot always control the environment in our workplaces but we can prevent ourselves from engaging in workplace infidelity. It doesn't matter if everyone else is doing it, what matters is that you take responsibility for yourself and not do it.

Never commit the mistake of underestimating the uncanny ability of cheating to strike when least expected. You may actually believe that you are above such thoughts and actions only to find yourself in the middle of a messy office relationship. You need to understand how it can happen so that you can protect yourself.

The work environment creates situations that cultivates closeness among peers who are forced to share interests, work problems, and even the boss. Some inadvertently create personal attachments that are clearly beyond the boundaries of friendships and official work relationships. An office relationship is especially attractive because it forms an illusion of perfection and happiness when compared to a marriage subjected to the ugly realities of life.