The Fidelity Challenge Faced by Military Spouses

Many people are under the impression that spouses of military personnel are one of specific groups of people who face the most challenge in maintaining fidelity to their partners. Far from being a culture or an accepted practice, infidelity of military spouses is attributed to the unique circumstances surrounding the lifestyle dictated by duty to country. Active duty military personnel are in the mercy of their assignments and the challenges attached to them.

Frequent moves and long periods of separation are just some of the stressful factors that are inherent in marriages involving at least one military person. Because of these realities, it is often difficult, if not impossible to share daily living as typically experienced by a married couple. Soldiers will most probably miss important family events and milestones that could be very difficult to handle as demands of family obligations continue to grow.

Military spouses will always have to consider the possibility of being one of the many who have to wait for an undetermined period of time as their spouses get lost or captured in action. Sometimes the reality of death would appear kinder than the prospect of seemingly endless limbo in not knowing the truth. Loneliness would be the greatest threat at this point as the spouse who gets left behind tries to come to terms with her situation. As the chance for the soldier's safe return becomes smaller, the opportunity for the spouse to be unfaithful becomes bigger.

The possibility of spousal cheating is not diminished even under ordinary situations when it comes to military couples. It would be best therefore to develop a system that will effectively work to dissuade acting on a temptation. Since temptation abounds everywhere even among non-military couples, it would help to know the boundaries that should be observed to keep it away. Distance has a way of blurring values, commitment, and accountability. Keeping the relationship alive serves as constant reminder to couples why they chose to be together in spite of knowing that a military job can keep them away from each other.

The Jealous Cheater

Many women might find their boyfriend's or husband's habitual jealousy flattering or exciting, seeing it as a sign of being truly loved by the man. Although a healthy dose of jealousy once in a while can be quite romantic, obssessive jealousy may just be a sign of something else. Jealous cheating men usually project what they do by being overly possessive and distrustful of their girlfriends or wives.

In psychology, projection is the assumption of a person that other people do what he himself does. Thus, a cheating man who is projecting, assumes that his wife or girlfriend is likewise cheating on him. This projection is primarily manifested by unreasonable jealousy which considers every man or circumstance related to his wife, a suspect for infidelity.

His jealousy therefore is not an indication of his great belief in maintaining fidelity in his relationship but rather hinged on a double standard which makes his cheating acceptable but not his partner's. He attributes his own actions and values to his partner and is unable to imagine that his wife can be any better than him in the matter of faithfulness. In trying to "prevent" cheating by his partner, he keeps a very close watch and takes control.

Jealous cheaters have the tendency to be physically and emotionally abusive on their partners. They are unable to handle the ghost of indifelity which they created. In the process, it is almost always the faithful partner who suffers.